Making Memories

News from the Past

2012-01-20T09:30:00.001-05:00

Last night, I received bad news. Of course, no one ever likes to hear bad news, but this was something that made me have to sit down. I wasn't prepared. (Are we ever prepared?) I wasn't prepared to feel sadly about someone from my past, someone I barely know anymore, but I did. I felt awkward, unsure of how I was supposed to react. Was I supposed to be sad briefly, like I would be for any passing stranger who told me their loved one was very sick? Shocked or sickened like I would be reading about it on the news? My gut told me otherwise. My heart found the feelings that I felt so long ago; the feelings that I had shut out.

I've heard many people say that illness, struggles, even death, brings family closer. I'm not asking for that. Instead, I think this news made me stop.... made me deal with a part of my life that I had moved past... made me remember things I had forgotten. Is it a time for forgiveness? I don't know. It sounds like the right thing to do, but I don't need that. I've already moved on. Forgiven but not forgotten. What I need is to know how I handle the decisions I made so long ago. The blame and hurt is so old that it's gone. What is left?

I knew this day would come: the day I had to make difficult decisions involving my past. What I didn't expect was for it to come so soon, to catch me off guard, and to make me feel like I needed to "do the right thing..." (whatever that is).

So, here I am, feeling awkward, confused, and sad about someone I barely know anymore but am connected to in ways that cannot be ignored. I don't want to just "do the right thing." I want - need - to do something that shows I'm okay. It's okay. We're okay. And, I'm okay with just that.

So it goes...

2012-01-17T10:44:00.000-05:00

... life happens. It really does. My last two posts consist of promises to maintain my blog posts. It's not that I break promises. Let's face it: no one likes to break a promise. The truth? Plain and simple. I forgot. I forgot all about my blog - one of the things I enjoy most in this world - because I was too damn busy.

Let's be real here. I'm always busy. I always have been. Even when I say I'm going to slow down, I never do, because I'm really good at finding another project to take on, and you know what? I like that about me. I like being busy. I like helping other people. I like projects. Honestly, there have been days I wanted to pull my hair out, but I'm getting better. (Haven't we heard this before?) It's true this time. (I sound like an addict!) Last semester was hectic, crazy, all-consuming, soul-sucking... 6 classes, two kids, and too many projects to list was ridiculous. I'll admit it. So, I have slowed down. Some. I'm simply focusing on my family first, classes second, and smaller projects, which really just need finished up. So, you see, life happens. It always happens in my house. And, once I finish one thing, I pick up another. It's just how it goes... and, I'm good at it.

I do promise to be better about my blog. I miss it. I need it. I must give thanks to my special friend, SE, who encouraged me to get back on my blog-wagon. She writes an amazing blog herself (for which I could be a ghost writer since we share so many of the same opinions), and she supports the fact that I, too, have things to say. Boy, do I. So, here I go... I'm back up and running.

It's the simple gestures...

2011-06-09T15:44:00.003-04:00

I know. I know. It's been awhile. Life happens. It really, really does in my house. I love to blog and am thinking about starting a new blog (sort of a "do over") soon. Until then, I've missed writing my thoughts, and today was as good of a day as any to tell the world about some of my memories. So, here it goes... Enjoy!

For the past few days the boys have been whiny, mouthy, and just not themselves. I was blaming a nasty combination of heat, growth spurts, molars coming in, and being withheld from playing outside from sun-up to sun-down. Quite honestly, these boys would live outside if I let them. It’s not that they have been “bad,” but they haven’t been the best listeners either.

Earlier today, we watched Camden, and I must say, watching my two boys interact with my nephew makes me the happiest mom in the entire world. The words they use to encourage and calm Camden melt my heart. I caught Graden reading to him, and Landen tries every day to teach him to crawl by demonstrating how Camden should “just put your leg up.” After Camden left, they helped me with laundry (without asking!) and told me stories about a rabbit we saw in our backyard. Their imaginations grow every second!

This afternoon, despite the rain, I decided it was time to mow the yard, and so, I let them play outside for a bit. After a few passes, I look up to see Graden jumping up and down while Landen simply smiled his “IswearIdidn’tdoit” face. I stopped the mower, and as I walked towards them, Landen pulled a cup of water from behind his back. He said, “Mommy, it’s hot out. We thought you should drink water.” Of course, they definitely earned nice points for this gesture. I got back to mowing with a smile.

A few more passes were made, and I was beginning to wonder how smart it was to mow between rain clouds. I heard the boys giggling. Yes, loud enough that I heard their laughter over the mower. I turned to find them directly behind me pretending to mow, too. They followed for a few passes until they found a shady spot to rest and watch me. All I could do was smile. Again.

You may not find these simple gestures as pleasing or heart-warming as I do; however, the best is yet to come. As I finished mowing, I pushed the mower back to the garage. I was dripping sweat and had damp grass caked to my legs. I was thinking how much I needed to clean the garage quick before going inside, but as I turned the corner, I saw that Landen and Graden had already cleaned the garage. And, by “clean” I don’t just mean that they picked up their toys. Landen had swept and proudly told me that he told Graden to get the trash picked up. Of course, it wasn’t a ton of trash, but still. Another gesture of how thoughtful my two boys are to me.

And, now, as I type this, I’m listening to them play in the bathtub. They’re getting to big to be in the tub together, but they were a sweaty mess and wanted to play as much as they needed to clean. I hear Landen saying things like, “Graden, just close your eyes. Water doesn’t hurt. You’ll be okay. Good job. See! You’re doing it!” Who knows what he’s making Graden do, and honestly, I’m not sure I care. What I care about is that my boys continue to treat each other and others exactly like this. Every day. Forever.

windows rolled down...

2010-07-19T17:34:00.002-04:00

It's the 3rd week of July - already. Wow. 2010 is halfway over! Wow! In the next few weeks, I will turn 30 and start my final year of school for my BA in English. Another wow. I can't believe how quickly the past few years have gone... especially when I think about the boys. Landen will be 5 and Graden will be 3 in the next few months! I feel myself getting older. Not in a old-achy-body kind of way. In a I-appreciate-so-many-things kind of way. I'm almost tired of talking about "how far I've come" because about the time I do something else goes wrong as a reminder that I can get through it... Like a few weeks ago when my wallet was stolen and then last week when the transmission went out in my van! Neat. Really neat. So, yep, summer has been great... :)

And, our summer has also been a whirlwind. I thought I'd have plenty of time for myself, the boys, and my projects. Turns out - I had time for all sorts of other things, too - we've just kept busy, busy! The boys and I are home most days and we're enjoying every minute. I know come the 2nd week of August, our lives will be bombarded with changing schedules and several new projects. I'll be taking more classes than I ever have (5!) and working more hours at IPFW. The boys will be attending a preschool and extended care program. Phil - well, we don't know what he'll be doing yet!

Back to summer - - it's been hot and great! We've played outside and we love to drive around with the windows rolled down. The boys think it's hilarious to see my hair fly all around (it's a silly sight!) and love the radio turned up loud! I'm telling you - - there's nothing better than just being silly with these two boys! Every single day they say something to make me smile or laugh... they touch my heart in ways I can't explain... goodness knows I've tried. I hope your summer has been just as 'silly'. Until next time...

I'm back... Hello, Summer!

2010-06-04T13:20:00.002-04:00

Finally! Time to sit down and write. Oh, blog, I've missed you. Time flies when you're busy with work, school, and two growing boys! Life is good these days. The boys are hilarious. Every day one of them thinks of something hysterical to say... Just a few days ago, Landen wanted to see a picture of a skeleton (because he saw something about bones in our bodies) and Graden told me to "calm down" (like I've never heard that before). This morning, as the girls were coming over to play outisde, Landen welcomed Izzie with a "Oooh, Izzie is in the hiz-ouse"... Really? We don't have MTV, so I'm not sure where that came from. I almost cried because I was laughing so hard. And, just last night, Graden told me I was a nerd. Awesome. See... they're funny. Smart, but funny.

My three nieces are growing into fun girls... so I get my fix of 'pink' with them. Lea will be 5 months old tomorrow, Izzie just turned 4, and Emma will be 3 a few weeks after Graden... They're wonderful (and not just because they think their "Aunt 'Lissa" is so cool).

School is off for summer (for me); Phil has a few days left and he'll be working like crazy doing landscaping. He loves it, though! Our house is getting a makeover in a week or so, thanks to a hailstorm a few weeks ago - it's pretty exciting! I know I'm getting old because I love going to Menard's! :)

My little sister, Rachael, is getting married in a few weeks! I can't believe it! More good news: Brandon and Kelly are having a baby in December! I'll be "Aunt 'Lissa" to another - - I love being an Aunt almost as much as I love being a Mommy!

Landen and I were playing with the hose below... And, Landen is holding Lea with Graden "helping" in the other picture. :) Aren't they getting so big?

Look for more posts to come... I'm back in the swing of things and summer break is here to stay (for a few months at least)!! Enjoy!!

New Additions: LEA GRACE HACK!

2010-01-08T10:04:00.002-05:00

Lea Grace Hack joined our family on Wednesday, January 6th at 2:39 am... she weighed 6 lbs. 4 oz. and was 19 inches long. She's simply perfect! Rachael and Derek are thrilled and can't stop smiling! Landen and Graden are proud cousins!! Phil and I love having a new niece! :) More pictures to come!

I heart my Family!

2009-12-17T10:35:00.008-05:00

Below are some of our wonderful family photographs that were taken by an amazing, fun photographer (and new friend): Vilma Deckena! She was such a blessing to us as she captured our boys' personalities! I hope they make you smile as much as they do me...

Peepa!

2009-12-15T08:07:00.002-05:00

The boys and I visited Mema and Peepa for lunch yesterday (Monday, December 14th) since we're on our Christmas break. They had a great time (as usual) and when Peepa had to go back to work, the boys were so sad.... That is, until he drove his forklift over for the boys to see! Peepa let them climb up and cruise around the shop for a few minutes. Landen and Graden couldn't stop smiling and laughing! :) Peepa was just as happy! The boys are lucky to have SIX great-grandparents still... So wonderful!

Family Pictures!

2009-11-04T13:27:00.000-05:00

http://www.gemphotographybyvilma.com/blog/2009/11/02/hirsch-family-session-2009/

Check out some of our family pictures! :)

Dad's 50th Surprise Birthday Party!

2009-10-02T14:35:00.001-04:00

Our 1st Trip To The Dentist!

2009-09-14T15:31:00.002-04:00

Today, Landen and I went to his first dentist appointment. He did great! He made Mommy go first and was sure to get real close to my wide open mouth. Landen watched closely as I was a "good patient". Landen and I went last week to watch Aunt Rachael get her teeth cleaned. A few weeks before that, he got to watch Daddy get his teeth cleaned, too. So, Landen had a good idea of what was going to take place. I was nervous though, I must admit. Landen acts "shy" sometimes around new people (especially if he's nervous himself). He did wonderful though! He smiled for a picture that they hung on a bulletin board and was quite pleased to receive a sticker, new toothbrush and his own toothpaste! He even got to help count his teeth (which he guessed he had 5)... he's got 20! :) All in all, it was a successful first visit! :)

Landen is "growing up big"...

2009-09-10T17:11:00.005-04:00

Another week has passed, another memory made...
Landen tells me this week that he's "growing up big". I asked how he knew this. His reply (of course, quite seriously): "because my legs are getting longer, Mom." Quickly, I assured him that I agreed ... He was definitely getting taller, thus "growing up bigger". Apparentely, this is on his mind because he's repeated himself about three times this week... letting me know each time, that he's growing up into a "big kid". Little does he know that I've got conflicting feelings about this as his Mommy. Pretty soon, I'll leave "Mommy" and I'll become "Mom"... Ah, I still remember when I was "Momma". I noticed the transition into "Mommy", but not as much as I'm noticing that he's entering the "Mom" phase. Sure, I'm proud of him! I know he WANTS to grow up, but I most certainly do LOVE this age...

As if that wasn't cute enough, Landen's teacher told me this morning that he LOVES his family! First of all, they compliment me all the time at how good of a helper he is... not just that he enjoys it or asks to help, but that he really is GOOD at it. (Cleaning, especially.) After telling me this, she asked me who "Pawpaw's Boy" was... For those of you who haven't heard this term, it's what Landen calls his Grandpa Basham (my dad). My dad fell in love with Landen the second he laid eyes on him and instantly started saying things like, "Oh, there's Pawpaw's Boy"... The name stuck and before we knew it, Landen was calling himself "Pawpaw's Boy". Now, he also calls my dad that in return. :) So, according to the teacher, yesterday they told him that he was just so good at being a helper and then asked him how he learned to be that way. Landen's (again serious) response was, "Well, I guess I'm just a hard-worker like my Pawpaw's Boy." Seriously? Who says that? :)

That was yesterday... This morning (like I said above) they commented on how much he loves his family. They knew his Aunt Kris (Kristal) was picking him up today... I told his teacher and supposedly, Landen informed the ENTIRE rest of the staff. He was concerned that they wouldn't know where he was though when she got there. When they asked why and assured him they knew who he was, he told his teacher his name was also "Squid" (Aunt Kris's nickname for Landen since he first swam with her in Florida as a 6 month old!)... :) So funny! I can't believe that he thought Kris would walk in asking for Squid Hirsch. :)

Finally, (as if the above isn't enough to make your cheeks hurt from smiling so big) they made "granola" for a snack this week. After the teacher told me about dad yesterday and decided this morning that this kid, Landen, clearly adores his family; she felt the need to tell me what Landen said about granola. When the teacher asked (before they even started making the snack) if anyone knew what granola was, Landen raised his hand and said, "Oh, yes, I do!! My Aunt Kelly LOVES granola! She eats them all the time!" :) True. Aunt Kelly loves granola bars.

The reason why I'm sharing these stories (besides that I love talking about my boys) is because I'm honestly amazed at what my four year old remembers and associates. It's so neat, fun, and exciting to watch his "wheels turn" and to hear what he tells other people. (Good thing he's only telling the good stories for now...) It's funny that he associates my dad to a hard-worker, Aunt Kris to her fun names, and Aunt Kelly to granola! All in all, he OBVIOUSLY associates them all with LOVE! :) He's so proud of each of us... He's constantly telling people that his Daddy "plays" football and teaches kids (and that he's going to play golf with him and Tiger someday), that his Uncle B teaches numbers and "plays" baseball, that his Pawpaw (Kevin) works at the mail store, or that Grandma Pam is his best friend. :) He always asks when he gets to go to "Pawpaw's Boy's house to see that silly Gramaw Weesa" and let's me know when he hasn't seen his Aunt Rachael in awhile! Everyday he comes home and asks "his Grado" how his day was and reminds him that "soon you'll be able to come to school with me, bud"... I just love those two!

GRADEN GRADUATES...

2009-09-04T15:34:00.004-04:00

Graden had his last visit from the Speech Therapist on Monday... He was re-evaluated and actually graduated from his sessions! We are thrilled with his progress. He is actually a little ahead for his age now (based on an average of common vocabulary in his age group)...

So, not only did he catch up, he excelled! (That's my boy!) It has been an interesting year for Graden. Oh, who am I kidding?? Graden's life has been interesting from the get-go! :) He's overcome so many obstacles that I honestly believe he has no limit! Graden is going to surprise us all in everything he tackles (maybe literally, you football fans) for the rest of his life... I'm just so proud of my now-talking-non-stop little Grado! He's such a joy to have around! xoxo

Landen is off to SCHOOL!

2009-09-04T15:02:00.005-04:00

Landen started his preschool this fall. He's so excited about it! He loves his teachers and new friends. As cliche as it sounds, I just can't believe how fast time has gone... it's so hard to see him off to school. They tell me he is doing wonderful! Apparently, he's quite the helper and social butterfly. Of course, I didn't expect any less; but, I am his Mommy. According to Landen, his favorite things about school: the sandbox, the "other Landon" (with an 'O', not an 'E'... he is sure to tell you), painting, counting, and making your own snacks! It's obvious (based on this answer) that his days are fulled with excitement. I'm so proud of my little man. I made him take at least 15 pictures before we even left. Then (of course) I had to take a few before we entered the school. He was such a good sport and was sure to smile for Mommy as much as he could stand... honestly, it wasn't too difficult, because he was so thrilled to go that his smile was quite natural! The only problem the whole day was the sun in his eyes! :) Ah... soon it'll be time for Graden to join him... I just can't believe my babies are growing up into little boys!

My Birthday Weekend!

2009-08-23T19:12:00.001-04:00

Landen, Graden, and Phil took me out to dinner to Takaoka for my birthday. Afterwards, we took a walk over to Headwaters Park. It was wonderful! Landen loved running through the fountain. We were dressed nicely, but that didn't stop Mommy from joining him! What a great time we had...

Is it really August?

2009-08-04T10:21:00.002-04:00

... Sure is! The month of July was busy for us. Seems we had playdates, vacations, weddings, showers, new baby arrivals, and other various parties the entire month. It's alright, though! Spending time with others is one of our favorite things to do. Things start to slow down now as we start August. It will be a nice adjustment as we ease our way into our new schedule once school starts. Landen is really looking forward to starting preschool while Mommy is at school, too. Graden will be hanging out with Keely (our awesome friend who happens to live next door!) until November when he can start preschool too. Can you believe that BOTH boys will be at a preschool already? They really do grow up fast! Both boys are doing well... Landen's newest medicines seem to keep his breathing under control and Graden is talking more and more every day!

Just wanted to give a quick update... I'll post more soon when we hear about where Phil will be teaching next year. Keep your fingers crossed that he gets "a call". Hope all is well with each of you!

OUR PLAYDATE WITH HAYLEE & BLAKE!

2009-07-15T08:54:00.002-04:00

Graden following Blake down the slide.

Graden pushing Blake on Haylee's bike...
Andy & Phil must be proud Papas! :)

Graden pretending he is a dog?
He stuck his tongue out while splashing...
Too funny!

Landen the fish. Haylee was freezing.
Blake watched. Graden laughed.
:) They had a good time!

The best part: SNACK TIME!

Childhood Cancer...

2009-07-14T11:41:00.002-04:00

Did you know that childhood cancer is the form of cancer that has the LEAST amount of money given for research? That just doesn't seem right to me... Families of children with childhood cancer usually do their own fundraising for research. Why should they have to worry about that when their child is so sick? Why? And, why don't we hear more about this?

I read that today while reading some updates on a CaringBridge website... I got an update from a little girl we know that has Neuroblastoma (Carley Hoffman - who I've mentioned on this blog before). Read: http://www.caringbridge.org/visit/carleyhoffman
We pray daily for Carley and other children who we've never even met who are sick. While reading Carley's page, I linked to one of her friend's pages (Parker) and then read on to another: http://www.caringbridge.org/visit/kayleerivers

The point of me telling you this is that I came across a beautiful 5 year old little girl (Kaylee) who passed away on July 8th... One year and two days after being diagnosed with cancer. Can you imagine? I sat here at my computer and just let my tears fall for this beautiful little girl who brought so much joy to so many people - including her siblings. What a neat family. What a neat story she had, too! It breaks my heart that God needed her more than her family did. Some things just test my faith... I like answers. I like reasons. I like CONTROL. Will I ever learn that God really does have control over everything... that he has reasons... and that he has the answers? I'm not sure. And, I'm certainly not sure that I could handle the loss of a child by giving my heart to God. Could I trust that God would take care of my boys? I don't want to find out. I regret that I complain about asthma.... "GIVE ME A BREAK, MELISSA!" That's what I thought to myself today. How selfish am I? I read Parker's mom's entry on this caringbridge site today and cried. This mom is right!
(Read: http://www.caringbridge.org/visit/parkerstasny/journal and read the entry for July 8th.)
I need to live each day as if it really were my last or the boys' last. How many times do you hear that? I try some days and forget others... I take for granted that even though my boys have been over some bumps, they survive. Every day is not a test for them. There are kids with cancer and I should be thankful that God has spared my boys of something so serious. My heart aches for children who fight EVERY SINGLE DAY!!! Parker's mother says "Thanks for listening and love your children as though there is no tomorrow. Today is a gift, cherish it." Again, she is right!

I'm just angry now that I've gotten my tears out! I don't understand why any child should ever have to go through something so terrible to then pass away... why couldn't she make it through? She fought. She did everything right. I hurt for her. I hurt for her family. I hurt because I don't have an answer.

I will pray for her... this Kaylee, who I never had the pleasure of meeting (several states away). Her story touched my heart and snapped me back into reality. I squeezed my boys as I laid them down for a nap just a few short minutes ago. As I walked towards the computer. I stopped in the hallway (between both bedroom doors) and I got down on my knees and cried. I whispered: Please God place love in the hearts of Kaylee's family. Let them know You will take great care of her. And, please help me to live each day as it is Your gift to me and my family. Please.

Landen

2009-07-07T14:37:00.000-04:00

Update on Landen (July 7, 2009):
I try to keep everyone up to date on the boys and their health. This past week was a crazy roller coaster… I ended up taking Landen to the ER last Wednesday afternoon. We got to come home Wednesday night. We saw our pediatrician on Thursday and she (like me) had had enough! With every cough and cold, Landen was getting worse more quickly than the cold before… (We had just gone in for a visit the previous Monday – so three doctor’s visits in one week!) She requested that we go see a wonderful, highly qualified Allergist/Immunologist (Asthma) Doctor. We got in on Monday, July 6th. (How do you like that for fast service?!)

So, it is official: Landen has asthma. We were quite pleased with the outcome of the appointment. Although we never want to hear that something is wrong with Landen’s health, we were expecting it. We are thankful that we will now know how to handle his health issues.

After some testing, some crying, and some waiting (over two hours worth), we found out that he is developing some allergies (mostly seasonal) and that he in fact has asthma. It is severe enough that he now has his very own inhaler (with an aero-chamber and pediatric mask attachment). She says that his asthma is “chronic asthma”. He will have it his entire life. Of course, his asthma may go into a sort of “remission” where we may not see any flare-ups or have any incidents for several years at a time… but it will always be there. This is why Landen will now be “inhaling” every morning before he starts his day and every night before bed. Eventually, it may be maintained with one or the other, but for the next three months we’ll be focusing on the treatment so it’s twice a day. The doctor says the good news about asthma is that unlike diabetes and arthritis which can eventually deteriorate the body in various ways, asthma (if treated properly) can be maintained so that it doesn’t get worse (or cause harm in the bronchial tubes). In fact, when Landen is 95 years old, he could still have sufficient lung capacity and similar functions as that of a healthy person without asthma.

The doctor mentioned that Landen is still young and things in his body are still developing and can change. He will have yearly allergy testing for the next several years (maybe until he’s 7 or so) until we’re certain what he is allergic to… it is important we stay on top of his allergies because knowing that there are things that bother him helps us to avoid those things and keep his asthma (breathing) under control. The doctor calls them “triggers”. There are other triggers as well: humidity, smoke, cold air, dust, seasons changing… basic things that may bother the respiratory system. The doctor made it clear that once his asthma is treated, there will be times when he gets the common cold and he may be able to handle it like a normal, healthy child with no extra steps or medicines (preventative). There may also be times where it attacks his chest (as it does now) and we have to do more steps with the inhaler (or breathing machine). Either way, it’s a relief to know that we can treat him and that we can live with this illness. We’re used to the extra steps. Landen’s been doing his own breathing treatments for years. The doctor was confident in his ability to handle the medicines (as needed) and the use of the daily inhaler. We have moved passed the breathing machine. She was optimistic that by starting him so early (which isn’t normal – usually they’re ‘school age’), he will be better at knowing (and setting) his own limitations. Landen has already displayed the responsible characteristic before having the inhaler… he knows when he needs a break. Sometimes he pushes himself more than Mom would like to see, but he knows his body best. I can’t believe he’s old enough to make some of his own important decisions. I didn’t think I’d have to learn so early to let someone else have control over him… even if it is himself. I’m learning… but, I’m not sure it’ll ever get easier.

So, is it life-altering… sure. But, it’s not necessarily life-threatening. We can live with it. We will live with it. Several people live normal, active lives with asthma. I never thought I’d be happy to have it “official”, but I am. We have a few more steps of course: tests, check-ups, allergies, and so on… but it’s all things that affect what we already know to be there. I finally feel confident that it can only get better from here. Up to this point, I’ve said that the worst part is the up and the down… the not knowing what caused it or what made it worse. I’m thankful for his overall good health and count my blessings that we can move on and treat him properly. I have a great pediatrician who has been so patient with all my calls and questions… I’m thrilled to know that she personally called the new doctor before we came in so that I didn’t have to relive the entire health history/background. What a nice gesture. The new doctor says that she (our current doctor) has done all the right steps (with even some extra along the way) and has maintained Landen for as long as she could… and it’s still even “early” for most patients his age (usually they wait another year or so). That makes me feel good and proud of my doctor and her (our) decisions thus far.

Thank you for your continued prayers and patience. I know I can be a pain… I worry. I stress. I even forget my manners… but I never forget who’s been there for me to listen, give advice, pick up Graden… you name it: I’m grateful. I’ve said this to many people: I always know that Landen’s health could be worse (much worse), but it doesn’t make it easier when you’re actually going through it (it’s been a long road of unknowns). When it’s actually happening, when he’s sick – he’s all I see and think about. I forget then that it could be worse, because when he can’t breathe, I’m not sure that anything else could be worse at that moment! When I’m actually watching him try to catch his breath and he can’t even finish his sentence. It’s tough as a mother to watch him struggle, wondering if I can really perform CPR on my own child if I had too… Wondering if I can remain calm and take care of the situation and do all the right steps and make all the right decisions fast enough… I’m glad to know that I know now what to do. I can fix it on my own first – and fast – or maintain it enough to have time to get him more treatment.

After every hospital visit, I come home and we just sit. I hold Landen for as long as he’ll let me. I give him lots of hugs, love and attention… and before I go to bed that night, I thank God for walking me through it. I try not to question it. It’s not important anyways. What’s important is that we made it back home… and that I got to kiss him goodnight… and that he was comfortable, breathing nice and slow… and that tomorrow brings a new morning full of laughter, smiles, and use of his great imagination!

SPRINKLER PARTY!

2009-06-30T14:32:00.002-04:00

June 23, 2009
Sprinklers + Popsicles = FUN in the SUN!
Row 1: Grace Graber, Grant Graber,
Joey Lengacher, and Dylan Graber
Row 2: Savanna Graber, Lucas Hertig,
and Vance Knoblauch
Row 3: Camden Knoblauch,
Graden Hirsch, and Landen Hirsch

TRACTOR!

2009-06-30T14:21:00.001-04:00

Daddy stopped by with his tractor
before he went to work...
The boys loved pretending to drive
the tractor!

ONE MONTH LATER...

2009-06-24T16:20:00.002-04:00

I've said it a million times... TIME FLIES! Especially with two toddler boys! This past month has been busy. We've had a couple of weddings, some parties, and some schedule changes. Phil is working landscaping (which he loves!) all day, Monday through Saturday, even when it rains. Landen, Graden and I stay home and keep busy. We even mow the yard so that Daddy doesn't have to deal with it when he gets off work late. I watch two boys and one girl... here and there through the summer and will pick back up to full time in August when school gets ready to start. We enjoy it very much. They're great kids. I'm still in school - finishing up my last week of summer sessions. (Thank goodness!) It'll be a nice break before I start back up in the fall. Right now, I'm only enrolled for two classes, but I'm thinking of taking more because I got a large grant to pay for my schooling... such a blessing! I'm so thankful for so many things in my life these days!

Speaking of blessings... I'm going to be an Aunt in January! My little sister, Rachael (who I suppose isn't little, she's almost 24 already!) and Derek are expecting their first baby. I can hardly stand the wait to find out the sex of the baby is... :) Congrats you two! Babies are wonderful... and even though everyone says your lives will never be the same, they won't be... they'll be BETTER. Sure, some days take a lot of work; but one little smile or giggle or hug or "thank you, mommy" makes it all totally worth it!

Landen and Graden are doing great! Both just had back-to-back doctor visits that went WELL! I couldn't believe the relief I felt to have doctor's actually say to me that "things are looking good". Graden recovered fast and wonderfully from the tubes in his ears. They'll stay in for a few more months yet, but his ENT said that his ears weren't even slightly pink. Graden past his hearing test with flying colors. That's a huge step. He's still participating in "speech therapy" once a week, but when we went for his 18 month evaluation they told me he was "up to speed" and right where he needed to be! Ah, words a mother loves to hear! I can understand him so much better than just two short months ago and others have told me the same. Thank goodness!

Landen is getting taller every day. He talks to me like I would talk to an adult... the conversations we have just crack me up! He's into asking questions and telling me how things work. It makes me smile just thinking about it as I type. His second follow-up after having new medicines for over two months went well. So far, we're controlling his allergies and asthma symptoms well enough on our own that we won't have to go to see a specialist just yet. This is good news, because at his age things can still change. Landen has been such a trooper and can take all his medicines on his own - no compliants. That just tells me that he KNOWS they make him feel better! Ah... finally, finally!

Someone recently asked me about Graden's past... I'm not sure why that this time more than normal I had a hard time answering. I started out by simply saying, "he's lucky to be here". There are just those days when I realize that I'm not exaggerating when I say that. When telling other stories, I can make comments like "how horrible" and "it's so sad"... whenever I tell Graden's story, though, I know that I'm not just saying those words: I mean them with my whole heart. It was horrible and I never want to relive it; nor do I ever wish anyone to go through it. It's amazing to me every single day (literally) that he's here and that no one knows how he started if I don't tell them. It really makes my faith stronger for sure!

So, all in all, this past month I've been preoccupied enough that I haven't even posted pictures! Sorry for the slack. I'll get better and work on getting some pictures up in the next few days! The boys have freshly shaved heads, so they're looking pretty handsome!

Enjoy this beautiful sunny weather and some good laughs! :)

Dinner with Papaw & Gramaw Weesa!

2009-05-25T10:07:00.002-04:00

FUN WITH PAPAW!

SCORE!

BASKETBALL!

SHOOT!

DINNER WITH PAPAW

AND GRAMAW WEESA!

More doctor visits...

2009-05-21T10:03:00.005-04:00

Well, we went to the doctor yesterday for two follow-up appointments... Mostly good news!

Graden: Doc says Grado is growing like a weed! Still a little short, but we can live with that. Of course, he's built like a brickhouse already, so she's curious to see how that changes (and if it doesn't, just how good of an offensive lineman he can be!). Landen too was always on the big side, but his body changed so much about this time (before his 2nd birthday)... even his looks changed. Doc listened to his chest and it was clear! This was GREAT news because we were allowed to go this morning to get his tubes in at the hospital. (Yes, we're already back home!) It went well... ENT Doc says that Graden's ears were more infected than he even thought so a lot of fluid drained out. (This is a good thing.) He also said that he was surprised Graden could hear at all! Poor kid! So, all in all, we're over a big hurdle... Graden will be sensitive to sounds for 5 days or so and we should notice a BIG change in his vocabulary - he should begin learning/hearing all sorts of new tones/sounds... This is VERY exciting for Mommy. We've been working like crazy with a speech therapist and on our own. Graden is picking up new words, but still needs help with certain vowels and such. I can't wait to see how this all changes and watch his progress. He's playing right now as I type - jabbering tons already. Thank goodness! Our regular Doc says that he's "tough"... his coordination and motor skills are excelled (I think he has to make up for the language barrier) and that his personality is just wonderful. (Mommy already knew that!) :) Graden has been watching Landen "potty" and is showing a big interest! I asked Doc what she thought and she said go for it... So, we'll be doing a little potty training early. Graden tells me if he went in his diaper and wants a new one... plus, he's been taking off his pants and sitting on the little potty... Wish me luck!

Landen: Well, we're on a bit of a roller coaster with Landen. For the past month he's been taking Singular every night before bed. Originally, I noticed an improvement for his breathing. He could definitely play longer without getting winded as easily as before. This was great! However, now that the "counts" (pollen and such) are up, we've been having trouble controlling his "allergy" symptoms - which in turn affect his breathing (asthma symptoms). He's been downright miserable by the end of the night. So, instead of just going straight to an allergy/asthma doctor - who will perfom "allergy tests" (which will be painful for Landen) we're going to try some "seasonal" allergy meds. This just means we'll be increasing our daily steps. We'll be doing nasal spray, eye drops, an allergy specific medicine and keep the Singular. The issues lie in that if his allergies flare up, his breathing does too... and we have to keep the breathing under control. So, we've got it mapped out. We do a large combo to start, then will stop one and then eventually another and keep on the allergy specific med or just Singular (which can be used for allergies - not just asthma). Then, once it's been in his system, hopefully we can just maintain his symptoms. The goal is to see if it is in fact "seasonal" - with hopes of it being that - so that we don't have to go to a specialist just yet... hopefully we can maintain it on our own. (And, hopefully he can grow out of these allergies.) We'll still do breathing treatments as needed... but we're on the path for gaining an inhaler (when he comes of age). The poor kid! It's definitely affecting his lifestyle, which as a mother is hard to watch. He's so good about taking breaks. I taught him to feel his chest and heartbeat. He knows if it's hard and/or fast, that it's time for a few minutes of rest... He tells me about how he checks his "heartBEEP" all the time. :)

Landen will be four in September! I can't believe how fast it's gone. Depsite that we've had ups and downs regarding his health, he's been a great kid. Graden followed in his footsteps and even as we approach the "terrible twos" ... NOTHING has been "terrible" about it! How did I ever get so lucky? :) Landen wants to be "independent" and Graden is trying stunts that his big brother does, but overall... they're great kids! :) Ah, I love these boys.

So, all in all, I feel like we're moving in the right direction. Every night before I drift off to sleep, I say a little prayer for my doctor! We are so happy with her (and the ENT)! It's such a wonderful feeling to know that both the boys are in great hands! Both boys are happy as usual... and every day I'm home with them, they teach me something new. Being a mom is fantastic! :)

Love to you all... Enjoy the beautiful weather and long weekend!

LANDEN'S NEW BIKE!

2009-05-18T08:47:00.002-04:00

LANDEN GOT A NEW BIKE!

"HI, MOM!"

PAPAW FOLLOWING ALONG...

HE'S A NATURAL!

Mommy's Day!

2009-05-12T09:02:00.003-04:00

Our family on Mother's Day! The boys took me out to a nice dinner and then we stopped at a park on the way home to play outside! It was a wonderful day and weekend! Landen kept telling me all day we were "best friends" and "happy mothers day"... I loved it!

Playing on the slide...

Ring the bell, Landen!

CUTE STUFF!

Weeee! Mommy & Grado on the swing!

Our play date with Rae and Rian at Haylee and Blake's!

2009-05-11T10:53:00.001-04:00

Izzie's 3rd Birthday Party!

2009-05-11T10:52:00.000-04:00

MY NEW JOB!

2009-04-30T13:34:00.003-04:00

This is my new job:

Yes, I am staying home with the boys now! :) What a great feeling to be able to be home each day with these two boys... I should've done it years ago. I'm also going to be watching a few kids during the days, so if you're looking for someone reliable and fun to watch your kiddos; let me know! Yay for being a MOMMY!

breathing treatments and more...

2009-04-30T12:48:00.003-04:00

Landen and Graden have both had a rough winter! The picture above shows Graden doing "the mask" as the boys call it... which is a breathing treatment. Graden got diagnosed with atypical pneumonia (we caught it when it was just starting) the first of April and Landen followed behind him getting pneumonia for real. The poor kids can't catch a break! Pneumonia isn't even contagious, but apparently the boys both started with the same strand of cold/cough that turned into something more serious. This was the "crossing the line" according to our doctor!

Graden went in to see an ENT this past Monday. He had two types of hearing tests performed. Our fears were confirmed, yet we were pleased. Graden can hear, but he has trouble hearing certain tones. This is ok, and should be fixable... We will be going in for "tubes" on May 14th. He has fluid in his ears constantly and even though his ears are red/sore inside, they don't always get infected. This should be treatable and is a normal, common procedure. We are not worried and trust our Doctor very much. This ENT is the same doctor who took out Landen's tonsils and adnoids not so long ago. He's wonderful with kids and gets straight to the point when he speaks to us about the boys. Throughout the time Graden has his tubes, we'll perform more hearing tests to be sure he's improving. Most likely, tubes will be all he needs... but there is still a concern that the "drainage tubes" beyond his ear drums may have an issue. Right now, though, that doctor thinks that is a small possibility. All of this is a side effect (after effect) from when Graden was so seriously sick with RSV (when he was 3 weeks old). Apparently, breathing with the support for so long can hurt your ears... They did tell us there were several side effects/concerns when Graden was in the PICU, but at that point - we just wanted Grado to BREATHE! Look at him now... thank goodness for wonderful doctors and FAITH.

Now, Landen... dear Landen. My little red-faced stinker! :) Landen took medicine for pneumonia for one week. It was a rough week! It's hard to keep such a busy boy down, but he did just what he was supposed to do and took his medicine without any compliants! During that time we also started taking one Singular pill before bed each night. He's going to continue this medicine for one month. On May 20th, we'll be going back into our doctor so she can report how he has done (I'm keeping a journal on when he takes his meds and his activity). She then plans to send us to an Allergy/Asthma doctor that she's worked with in the past. She believes that Landen will in fact have asthma, but wants to eliminate that he also has "allergies". Of course, this can change... sometimes kids grow out of this and sometimes adults gain them later, too. Landen may also develop an allergy to something even after we do all the testing... Either way, we know for sure that his breathing affects Landen's life drastically. I'm happy to report that I have already noticed a difference with this medicine! He still needs to take breaks to catch his breath, but it's better overall. We watch him closely and he's really good at knowing when enough is enough! This process for Landen will take time... lots of tests, medicine trials and visits. Most importantly = patience. This is harder for Mommy than it is for Landen. We do our breathing treatments on a regular basis... the boys are so good at them. Again, we are thankful to have great doctors and strong faith.

Of course, there are days I don't understand why both my boys have to have breathing issues. Somedays I wonder why both boys have had such a tough time - I mean, who can say they've had 5 hosptial visits in 16 months? :) (Three of which were by way of EMS?) Graden is better each day and shouldn't have near the problems Landen does... but it still hurts me to see them struggle. I'm telling you, there is nothing worse than seeing Landen GASP for air. Nothing. I know their illnesses could be worse, I do... so, I squeeze them daily (more than once!) and thank God constantly for bringing them to me and for watching over them as they go through this up and down ride. I know it may be awhile until we find out what exactly we need to do to make them comfortable... and I am okay with that. In the meantime, I will just keep enjoying them and doing what I can to keep them healthy in all other aspects. Thank goodness they're strong little guys! I know I shouldn't complain, but there are days when I just want my kids to be healthy... how selfish of me when there are kids that have it much worse. It breaks my heart... for my kids and others! Why should ANY kid have to suffer at all? Sometimes, I just don't understand.

My thoughts and prayers go out to our friend, Carley (4 years old)... who battles neuroblastoma (cancer) daily. I read her Mommy & Daddy's blog/Caringbridge website daily and I say a little prayer for her. I admire Carley's strength and courage... and I find it heart-warming just how tough an innocent little girl can be! I'm proud to say that I know her and her family. It's girls like Carley who keep me moving forward... who remind me that my life is good and that God is good, too! Carley's parents are amazing in my eyes and I love that they are so open and share their personal story... thank you Joel & Christina!

Visit Carley's page:
http://www.caringbridge.org/visit/carleyhoffman

FiShY LiPs!

2009-04-30T12:41:00.001-04:00

Graden and his fishy lips...

EASTER

2009-04-30T12:24:00.003-04:00

Izzie, Graden, Emma, and Landen...
Posing for an Easter picture!
It's hard getting them to all sit still
long enough for a picture! Ha!

Mommy and her handsome boys!
(Yes, you too, Phil!)

Graden is trying to make sure
that Landen got the same things
from the Easter bunny!

COLORING EASTER EGGS!

LET THE EASTER EGG

HUNT BEGIN!!!

Missing Savanna...

2009-04-15T15:15:00.005-04:00

Dear Savanna (Grace, Grant, and Dylan, too!),
We miss you so much and hope that you are enjoying the warm Florida weather! We can't wait to see you sometime this summer, hopefully!
Lots of love,
Landen and Graden

LIBRARY!

2009-04-08T17:05:00.002-04:00

Landen, Graden, and I got to take our first library visit during Spring Break! We went to the downtown library to meet our friends Emily and Joey. Landen was so excited to see the building and was overwhelmed with joy when we went into the "Children's Section". We've already had to go to the Georgetown Library to get a "quick visit" in and get new books to read! What a great idea, Em! Thanks for inviting us to meet you and Joey there. We can't wait to do it again soon. The only compliant I have: I FORGOT TO TAKE PICTURES!? I can't believe it. :)

Can you spell T-R-O-U-B-L-E?

2009-04-08T16:30:00.004-04:00

Two peas in a pod...

They wore each other out and were ready for naps...

Landen and Baby Rian!

Ut-Oh! Party in the bathtub!

Rae wasn't sure of Landen at first, but that didn't last long! They played together a few minutes and remembered how much fun they have when they're together.

2009-04-08T16:08:00.002-04:00

Graden is quite the character these days... His personality shines through more and more each day. He loves his big brother and learns everything from him. Graden enjoys showing his muscles and knows that it makes people laugh; so of course he continues to show them off! Note the scratch on his forehead: he decided to 'slide' into the corner of our computer desk. Darn matchbox car jumped into his way and made him fall. :) Mommy was more upset than he was...

Look at all of those toys in the background... yet, they chose to play with the empty box. Oh, wait... Landen informed me it was a truck, not just a box. Silly Mommy!

Landen and Andrew

2009-04-08T15:34:00.002-04:00

This is Landen and his bud, Andrew on their 1st (of many) playdates. Landen absolutely loved playing with Andrew and called him his "bud"! Graden was too busy checking Andrew's toys out to play with him, but I'm sure they'll become good pals, too! Thanks Karen for letting us come visit you and Andrew during Spring Break! We can't wait to see you again soon.

America's Best Dance Crew!

2009-04-08T14:27:00.003-04:00

Here is Landen with his friend Rae, performing in Rae's kitchen. Mommy especially loves their unique moves! We had a wonderful time during our visit to the David home. Mommy was happy holding Rian and the boys were thrilled to play with Rae. Mommy could've videotaped the entire visit, because these kids together made many laughs and memories. Thank you, Rae for being such a special friend to us! We love you! xoxo, Landen and Graden

Landen wants a motorcycle!?!

2009-04-01T14:22:00.003-04:00

Landen has been telling me for the past few days that he wants a motorcycle. I keep telling him that maybe he'll get a "big boy bike" for the summer, but he insists that he is big enough for a motorcycle. He tells me that his "Aunt Derek" (yes, he calls him "aunt", ha ha!) will teach him how to ride it! I told him today that his Aunt Rachael and Uncle Derek will have to keep it at their house, too! I decided to get the camera out as proof that it wasn't my idea... Landen thought of it all on his own, and sure enough - he brought it up when I asked him about the "big boy bike"! My goodness... a motorcycle? This Mommy is NOT ready for a motorcycle! Ha ha! And, do they even make Diego Motorcycles? :) Oh Landen! We love you Aunt Rachael & Aunt Derek! :)

2009-03-31T12:35:00.002-04:00

Graden thought he was winning in "Mario Cart"...
Landen and I decided to get a box down from the top shelf of the closet last weekend. It was labeled "N64" and had our old Nintendo 64 in it. The boys loved playing "Mario Cart" with me and I had a great time just watching them (and secretly trying to win!)...

Muscles!

2009-03-23T18:58:00.004-04:00

Graden is showing his muscles here... something Landen taught him. The movie doesn't quite do Graden justice... I'm telling you, it's MUCH funnier in person! Grado literally shakes and shakes while his face is priceless! My little men are just too strong (and hysterical)! We hope it makes you laugh out loud...

2009-03-17T16:32:00.001-04:00

Happy St. Patrick's Day!

2009-03-17T15:43:00.002-04:00

Landen wasn't so sure why he had to wear GREEN today. I figured I'd spare myself the long Irish speech and just tell him it was for his "lucky green day party". Someday, I'll go into how things really came to be on St. Patty's Day.

Poor kiddo didn't even make it through his "green party" though... The sitter called me this morning and after taking him to the doctor this afternoon, we learned that he has a really bad ear infection. We just can't catch a break with the health of our two boys! I know it could be worse, so I'm just thankful we're home but it's still been a 'trying winter'... The month of February was plenty though and I hope that March doesn't turn into another unhealthy month. Keep your fingers crossed! (I say this too, because I just took Graden to the doctor YESTERDAY for a double ear infection!) Yuck.

Hopefully your house is germ-free and you're enjoying the SPRING weather that is peeking through today! I'll put more FLORIDA pictures up soon! Love to all our friends & family!

F L O R I D A ! ! !

2009-03-17T14:59:00.004-04:00

We went to Florida last week to visit Pawpaw Kevin & Gramaw Pam! We had perfect weather and a wonderful time; depsite that Daddy was sick most of the time. Aunt Kris rode along with us for the 20 hour drive down, that really wasn't so bad. Both boys did a great job; especially Landen who told us each time he had to stop to use the potty! We left Friday after work and made it Saturday with enough time to get a good swim in... It was almost 80 degrees when we got there!

We went to Disney World twice! The first day, we visited Magic Kingdom. It was Phil's birthday so he got to wear a special "pin" and every worker at Disney World wished him a Happy Birthday! A few even sang to him! Magic Kingdom was great... The boys FINALLY got to see 'Mickey Mouse's House'! The second day we went to Hollywood Studios where Landen got to meet Buzz Lightyear and Woody (his two VERY favorite characters)! The weather was perfect for us both times we went to Disney... we were very lucky. We learned this past week that Landen is a huge fan of ROLLER COASTERS and wanted to go on every single one. He was just tall enough (literally) and they allowed him to go with us. He was so excited about this. Graden was laughing nonstop and couldn't help but to point at EVERYTHING! Mommy took almost 400 pictures and will be sure to add more soon!

2009-02-28T10:35:00.002-05:00

This morning, Landen taught himself how to plug in Daddy's playstation (that was hidden in a cabinet). After asking Daddy to get the game set up, it was RACE time! He was talking to his car about how they were going to win... "Come on, Dude!"... Hilarious. Graden wanted in on the fun, so he just grabbed a controller (that wasn't even plugged in) and began yelling at the cars on the screen, too! What a pair! :)

Growing again...

2009-02-23T16:17:00.004-05:00

The boys continue to grow! Graden had his 15 month 'well-baby' check up this past Friday... Doc says he's finally getting taller! He's up to 8 teeth and must be getting more, because he wants to chew on everything! The boys have both been feeling much better and we've stopped the breathing treatments for the time being.

Landen and Graden are becoming the best of buddies! They play together all of the time and make Phil and I laugh daily. Late in the evenings, after dinner, the boys are usually fired up... Phil and I sit down to relax and talk about our days only to end up sneaking around the corner to peek into their bedrooms because we hear all these giggles and loud noises. We usually find the boys building houses with their blocks or crashing cars together. They laugh at each other all of the time ... it's quite a contagious laugh, too.

We've told the boys we're going to see 'Mickey Mouse' in a few weeks... Landen can hardly stand the wait. Last night, after Graden went to bed, Landen and I made a "paper ring" strand of 12 circles... that way Landen knew how many days until we leave. He gets to rip on of the circles of paper off each night before bed! :) He thought it was pretty cool. My dad used to let me do them before Christmas each year. I think it's a great visual activity for Landen; plus, he can stop bugging me with "are we going to Mickey Mouse tomorrow, mom?" !! Ha, ha, ha!

Grad-O and the "big boy underwear"!

2009-02-14T14:00:00.005-05:00

Graden is a stinker! Landen has been working diligently on going potty on the "big boy potty" and is getting good at it...

Today, however, Landen's "potty procedure" took a slight turn of events when Grad-O (his new nickname given to him by his Mommy because she can never finish getting his name out of her mouth when she's trying to get him to do something before he runs away!) took Landen's "big boy underwear" and TOSSED THEM into the "big boy potty" while Landen was peeing. Graden was very happy; clapping and pointing at both Landen and the underwear, while he laughed and walked away to plot his next move. He left Landen sitting on the "big boy potty" in shock. Landen, of course, yelled for Mom and Dad, who came running... When we arrived in the bathroom, Landen said, "It was an accident, Mom." Ha, yea right. That Grad-O knew JUST what he was doing.

Already, they are covering each other's tracks. Great for them. Trouble for Mom and Dad! :)

Landen's Hospital Visit.

2009-02-14T13:23:00.003-05:00

Last Tuesday (the 10th), I had to take Landen into the ER. After being sick for a few days, he wasn't getting any better and on Tuesday morning, he was having trouble breathing. His doctor advised me to just take him there so they could do some x-rays and tests. Good thing we got there, because his oxygen counts were down and he was gasping for air. Turned out, his entire chest was seriously inflammed and this was causing him to work very hard to get breaths.

To make a long story short, we were transported from Dupont Hospital (after several tests) out to Lutheran on Tuesday evening and stayed there until Thursday evening. We had some "ups and downs" while we were there; but, after the first night, overall things progressed well. Landen was a good patient and did exactly as the doctors asked. They were impressed by his "breathing treatment skills" - of course, he's familiar with them because we've done them since he's been born! :) The only thing he didn't like was the oxygen tube that was placed into his nose! It "hurt" his nose because it dried it out and it was scary to him.

We are home now and we're working toward a full recovery. His chest isn't as inflammed, but he still has "congestion" in his lungs that is causing him to cough pretty badly. We've been doing breathing treatments around the clock and he's also taking an antiobiotic for a double ear infection (a side affect from the congestion). He's a little leary about going to bed at night - he thinks "they" are going to come and poke at him. I've tried explaining that he's getting better and "they" are only at hospitals and doctors' offices.... and "they" make little kids better. He understands and knows when he's done something great - like eat all his food to make him "stronger" and "drink all his juice" because it helps his cough! :) He even knows when he's played too hard and tells me when he needs a "break to rest". He's a pretty smart kid! :) Ha!

It's been a roller coaster of a week, but I couldn't be happier. A little tired, but still smiling... My boys keep me on my toes! We've had three hospital visits in the past YEAR (two for Graden and now one for Landen)... I really hope they don't think this is some sort of "fun" competition! Mommy is going to have gray hair soon! :) Deep down, I always know it could be worse, but let me tell you how hard it is to remember that when you're going through something and you're not sure what's going to happen. I'm just so thankful for my family and friends... I know it's such a cliche - but they're amazing and they are always there for me and for my family. I'm not sure where I would be if I didn't have them in my life. It's everyone else's prayers, thoughts, emails and phone calls that help us get through something like this... because somedays I'm just not as strong as I'd like to be when it comes to praying... I try though, and I'm sure that is truly all that matters to Him.

Remember to hug your kids, your pets, your significant others... whoever is important to you today. You really don't know what tomorrow will bring. Thanks again for your support and your patience and YOUR LOVE. My boys and I love each of you on this Valentine's Day! xoxoxo

Brothers!

2009-02-09T13:56:00.005-05:00

I've been blessed to have
A brother like you.
You're my pal, my buddy,
And my best friend, too.
-Dana Roberts Clark -

Hard work really does pay off...

2009-02-09T13:52:00.002-05:00

FINALLY. Phil got "the call"... He's accepted a teaching position for 8th grade math at middle school here in Fort Wayne. It's an overwhelming feeling. He worked so hard for the past two years. His hard work has finally paid off! We are so proud of him! He's starting tomorrow, as a sub, until his contract is made. It makes our bumps from the past two years totally worth it. Thank you to each of you who have supported us while Phil was back in school and while I worked two jobs. Thankfully are boys never noticed these "bumps" from our past. They will only know the end result: Daddy is a teacher! Woo hoo! :)

Cold!

2009-01-25T11:37:00.003-05:00

We're thinking today that we should've followed our Graber friends to FLORIDA! :) (And, not just because we MISS them already!) It's freezing outside and it's ugly. Good thing we're going to Florida ourselves for a vacation in about 5 1/2 weeks... So, we're pretty excited that we'll get to see The Graber's then! :)

The boys are doing great. It's so hard to believe how fast they are growing up. I mean, it's already almost February of 2009!!! Graden is all over the place now (even more than before!) and is climbing onto everything. He has absolutely no fear and does not know a stranger. Graden tries to say words - but he does more of a grunt... like talking is too hard or something. Ha! He LOVES his big brother still... I'm waiting for that to change, but for now, they LOVE to play together and actually get mad when they can't! Landen is learning something new each day. He's very observant (which I've said before) and asks all sorts of random questions. We love them, because they usually make us laugh! They work on one letter from the alphabet each week at his daycare (which he loves). He's doing very well with it. He's such a sponge when it comes to learning... I hope it stays that way. Landen reminds us DAILY that we'll be heading to "Mickey Mouse's House" soon... he can hardly wait! Graden just laughs at Landen each time he says it, like it's a secret code or something!

Phil is still subbing here and there... hopefully a permanent job position comes open so he can apply. In the meantime, though, he's having so much fun as a sub. The kids at school love him and tell me he does "pretty good"... :) HA!

Things are just good overall... My classes are a lot of reading, but I secretly LOVE it. :) Of course, we're like everyone else and watching our pennies right now. Past that, we have no worries for once. Life is good. :) We don't take that for granted though because we know how far we've come... and we constantly keep our friends and family in our thoughts! :)

We sure hope your home is as warm as ours... :) Our door is always open.

New Year, New Challenges...

2009-01-06T15:53:00.005-05:00

Hopefully your NEW YEAR has gotten off to a great start... I know mine has... My theory: it can ONLY get better from here! I look forard to what 2009 is going to bring me and my family!

Well, I finally made a decision: I am going back to school! I have only gone part-time here and there for the past three years (since Landen's birth). I am enrolled and registered to take some online classes starting Monday. I plan on taking it easy this semester, signing up for a class in the summer, and then attending full-time in the fall (while still working, of course). :) Who would've ever thought one could get so excited about taking on such a challenge (with a husband looking for a full-time teaching position, two toddlers, and myself - still working full-time)? I am though... I most certainly am! :) Wish me luck!

Now, the boys started a new daycare this past Monday. Today was their 2nd day and wow! It's going great! It's an "in-home preschool". Landen is learning the letter "M" this week. Too funny! It almost makes me sad that they're in the "school" setting... but, I'm so proud of them both for making the transition so well. (Of course, Ant Kelwee [the previous childcare provider] is GREATLY missed! But, I assured the boys, we WILL see Ant Kelwee again.)

:)

Some Christmas Memories!

2008-12-29T13:20:00.000-05:00

Bringing in the New Year...

2008-12-29T13:10:00.003-05:00

Christmas has come and gone! The month of December always seems to fly by... does time really fly when you're having fun? I think the saying should go as follows: "Time flies when you've got two boys!"... :) I'm never really sad to see Christmas go - even though I love the season. It's just that I actually enjoy cleaning my house and getting things back to normal (whatever 'normal' is!). Call me crazy, but I just like staying organized... you guys all know that! Ha ha!

December was a great month! Hectic, but great. The boys enjoyed Christmas so much, and I enjoyed watching them so much! Landen is into Santa and how it all works this year... it was fun watching the wheels turn as he asked questions like, "How does he get in if we don't have a fireplace?" and after coming out of his room Christmas morning, he took one look at his presents, put his hands on his hips and exclaimed: "HOW DID HE DO THAT?". Too funny!

The boys continue to grow and make life fun! Daily they do something or say something to make me laugh. Graden got stuck under an end table just last week! Oh, it was priceless. I just don't remember what I laughed at before I had kids. Friends, maybe? :) Ha!

Speaking of friends... I'm still so excited that I got to catch up with so many of my old, dear friends! What fun it was to tell old stories and laughed until it hurt!

Phil is thriving! He loves substitute teaching... he has one week left of a long term assignment after the break. He hopes to land another long term, but said he'll be ok with floating around and meeting new teachers at other schools if he can only sub. It's nice to see him accomplish such a major goal. The boys and I are so proud of him! :)

I'm thinking of taking a class at IPFW next semester... Just a writing (of course) class online. Not sure though. (I know, I know - nothing like waiting until the last minute!) :)

I'll keep you posted. :)
I hope the holidays were as cheerful for you as they were for us. We have a lot to be thankful for... and we continue to pray for those who are not as fortunate, and for our friends who are struggling with their children's health.
Love to all!

Graden 1st Birthday Pictures...

2008-11-15T09:40:00.004-05:00

Copy & paste the link below into your browser to see some of Graden's first birthday fun! :)

http://www.facebook.com/album.php?aid=182940&l=7e239&id=726190432

2008-11-13T16:48:00.000-05:00

Growing Up!

2008-11-13T16:33:00.004-05:00

I just can't believe it. Everyone told me during both pregnancies that once the boys were born, time would fly... I tried brushing them off, but they were right! Graden will be celebrating his first birthday tomorrow!

He's a walking, grunting, mumbling, teething, drooling, giggling machine! He makes me smile - no matter what kind of mood I'm in - and loves his big brother. If he can't SEE Landen, he moves all through the house until he finds him. He becomes a speed-walker/crawler if Landen yells "Graden, come play with me!" Graden is a total 'Daddy's boy' and is also quite fond if his Pawpaws & "Uncle B"! He's into anything that makes noise, Mickey Mouse, Landen's cars, balls, peek-a-boo, food, climbing, being outside, and head-butting. (Not sure where that last one came from, and I laugh out loud just typing it... but it's true! He head-butts everything!) It's hilarious to watch and even funnier to know that it makes Graden crack himself up!

I'm grateful watching Phil interact with these boys, too. They already want to be just like him... I'm sure I've mentioned this before. I remind myself daily how blessed I am and I constantly wonder what I did to deserve such a home...

These boys are truly the joys of my life and the pieces that make my heart whole. I never thought I'd experience such a feeling... I never knew it existed until these boys came into my life. I'm such a lucky mom!

Many happy fall days to your home... :)
Enjoy getting ready for the holidays...

Graden and some Landen!

2008-10-21T16:33:00.002-04:00

That time of year...

2008-10-08T16:18:00.003-04:00

Cooties. It never fails that as the temperature changes, I somehow manage to get some cooties! As if it hasn't been busy or stressful enough in the past few weeks, I've managed to not just catch a cold, but get the flu! I thought I wasn't feeling well last week... then I felt a little better and decided it was just a cold or some sinus. This morning, however, I woke up and felt like a bus had run over me and barely made it into the bathroom before I got sick. I don't get sick well. For some reason, I always feel like I'm going to pass out... So, who do I yell for? Landen! Poor little guy came running and said, "what do you need mommy? you got a bellyache?" :) Ah, if he only knew that my insides felt like they were coming out. I just asked him to keep an eye on Graden because that little monster is fast! :)

I've mentioned before about Landen my caregiver. Maybe this will make it even more true... Before he could watch Graden, he must have decided to take care of me! He actually reached into the shower (he has a little shelf with toys and he keeps a washcloth in there) and grabbed his washcloth. He went into his room and got his step-stool. He got the washcloth wet (soaking wet mind you - because he didn't know to squeeze some out first!) and put it on my head!! Precious. Of course, it was freezing and I was soaked, but it totally made me feel better!

I'm feeling a little better now, but I'm about ready to get rid of my cooties! I've got so many things going on, that I must be a little run -down too because I just now (at 4 pm) got out of bed. Colds are one thing, heaving is another! Hopefully your families stay healthy...

Random fall thoughts...

2008-10-01T15:44:00.004-04:00

October 1st?! Are you kidding me? Wasn't yesterday, July 4th?

Fall is my most favorite time of year. *Yes, I said MOST FAVORITE! I love the air. I love the leaves. I love thinking about my family being together for Thanksgiving and no presents. I love football. I love bonfires. I love jeans. I just really love the air. It's just so crisp and brisk... :)

I'll admit, recess was a little chilly today though! :)

I know I've said it before, but time flies! It's so hard for me to believe that I'll be planning Graden's 1st birthday party soon! I am so lucky...

Actually, I'm lucky for so many reasons. My mind is on overload ... it has been since a week ago today. Mike has been gone for a week now. We are all moving forward - but not moving "on". Mike will remain in our hearts forever...

My best buddy told me today that she was remaining positive. (She was a close friend to Mike, too.) Everyday she has been waking up, reminding herself to be thankful for what she has and knowing that she (as well as the rest of us) is lucky for what she still has in her life. We just have to realize that - and every day will be a good day! What a great friend she has been to me and my family...

Yet, another reminder that I'm lucky: GREAT FRIENDS!

I read a blog today of a friend of Phil's... they went to school together so they are the same age as us. Even though we don't see them much, I'm SUPER excited to read that they are about to pick up their NEW BABY! They get to adopt a brand new baby! I LOVE THAT! I love the feeling of knowing this couple is about to experience one of the greatest feelings in life: CHILDREN. There are days of course when that baby will test their patience - - but nothing (NOTHING) will ever compare to the happiness you'll experience when they look up at you and recognize that you are their parent. Ah... makes me feel all mushy inside! :) Congrats to them!

Off to work I go... Enjoy your day today and your days to come. Please remember to say things today because we just don't know if you'll get a chance to say them tomorrow....

Why?

2008-09-26T08:40:00.002-04:00

Sitting here alone in the quiet, my mind is racing... The windows are open, so I hear the children playing while they wait for the school bus to pick them up. I love stopping to take a few minutes to listen to my surroundings. I can even smell the brisk, fall breeze. It is my favorite time of year. I have learned never to take anything for granted... you just don't know what tomorrow may bring...

Wednesday morning, my husband's cousin, Mike (and good, good friend to us) passed away. I can't help but wonder why? He was going to be 31 in November and he left behind his wife and his toddler daugther. It was just 9 months ago that we buried his 10 month old daugther, Alex... It just does not seem fair that my friend has to lose her child and now her husband in such a short time. Why should one family have to deal with so much? Can't we share some of that burden? I am simply a friend and it seems so selfish for me to be upset... but I suppose I'm just looking for answers like everyone else. I'm tired of hearing the quotes, sayings and cliches... I know he's in a better place, but I really just miss him already. He was truly one of the greatest people I knew... He touched my life more than I ever got a chance to thank him for...

Mike lost his brother, Nick, 9 years ago. Mike lost his daugther Alex 9 months ago. Someone mentioned to us Wednesday that her thought was that they (Nick and Alex) needed Mike with them... We'd had him long enough... It's such a simple statement and it makes sense, but it's just so hard for me to completely understand in my heart.

I love you, Mike and wish I got the chance to tell you that one more time...

Landen, The Caregiver

2008-09-02T14:30:00.004-04:00

So, here I go...
I'm working on this blog during nap time, because all mothers know that if you want to accomplish anything you have to be able to move fast during a two hour window! It takes me a few minutes to pick up toys, do a few dishes, and switch the laundry. I sit down, I check my email, I sign into my blog... and there it is... "MOMMY?" Dang.

Landen is recovering much better than I thought he would from his tonsil/adnoid removal. Tough little guy is eating and drinking just like he should, but today he keeps telling me he has a bellyache. I've tried everything... I think he's drifting off to sleep now, so hopefully it just goes away. He is talking so much these days and is such a sponge. We had to start making sure we listen to music or watch tv shows that don't say anything that we don't want him to repeat! :)

A few days ago, he told me "it's ok mommy, calm down honey"... Oops. I'm sure he heard that from me the last time he fell and cried or got himself worked up over something silly. I think was upset over orange pop spilled on the carpet... It was an accident, but I yelled at him to go get Mommy a towel. How could I be mad when he said "oops, sorry", tells me he'll be more careful and then immediately says "love you"? Smart kid. Cute, too! I'm a sucker.

Graden is just as cute... pretty adventurous, too. He likes to crawl on the kitchen floor and get stuck underneath the kitchen table. Plus, no matter how much I clean that floor - he always manages to find something that can go into his mouth! Ah, my little 10 month old monster! Landen just goes in after him and says "no, no, no, Graden! you can get hurt... come play with me" and guides him right back into the living room! What would I do without big brother, Landen? :)

Getting Started...

2008-09-02T10:31:00.006-04:00

I'm home with the boys for a long weekend... Landen got his tonsils and adnoids out last Thursday (and is recovering nicely). I decided that it was a time I got with the program and looked into the "blog" thing while I had some time off. I have some friends that blog for their jobs and/or for their families... So, I checked them out! I love being able to stay caught up on their exciting events. So many important things go on when you have children (or are expecting them!). So many important things go on in everyone's lives - period. What a great way for me to talk about my boys, our family, and my life and to share them all with you! Hopefully, I can get started easily and make it a worth-while and enjoyable site! Wish me luck.