Back to Reality...

Last week was... well, it was every positive adjective you can think of: wonderful, amazing, relaxing, exceptional, fun, perfect. Most importantly, though, it was exactly what we needed - a week with no worries, no appointments, and no schedules to follow. 

We knew it would eventually come to an end, and we were okay with that. We only needed that week - that break from everything. Thankfully, we remained safe when we flew home Sunday and only had a minor flight delay. The flight before ours to Illinois wasn't so lucky... We send our love to those families hit by the storms and will be thankful we landed safely (although quite bumpy!).

Yesterday was rough for all of us; we went to bed early! I suppose that's what we get for taking a trip in the middle of work and school. ;) 

And, today, we're back to reality. I wrote in my last post that I have been busy, and I have. But, there's more to why I haven't blogged in awhile.

Grado has been having some new struggles. So, today, he is having a reevaluation with his Neurologist and Neuropsychologist. I'm not sure I am able to offer all details, because there's just so much, but the jest of it is that he's becoming very defensive and protective of his head. If someone gets too close, he panics... he even pushed a kid down at school because he thought the child was going to "hurt his brain." I'm sure Grado doesn't mean harm to anyone, but I also know he's scared. And, let's face it, brain surgery is a lot for anyone to deal with, so I imagine it's worse for a 6 year old (ah! I can't believe he turned 6!). 

In addition to his worries, teachers at school have some concerns, too. We had Parent-Teacher Conferences before we left for Florida, and we spoke with her before that even, and while he is doing great academically, he is "zoning out" like before, which means he may be having more seizure activity, which we thought was being close to under control. Of course there are several other concerns, too, but I'll spare you the details until I figure out what they all mean. Long story short, he's been struggling at school and I hate it. 

Lucky for me, his teacher and the entire staff, is amazing. Even the students are wonderful with him. No one judges (a constant worry for me) and no one makes me feel like he's "bad." They're encouraging and patient, and everything he (and I) need. 

Also lucky for me, I called before we left for Florida and his doc agreed to get us in right away... So, this morning, we're visiting for more testing and to start the process of determining what Grado needs next. 

I watched this little guy last week, and I wish I could have videotaped him the entire week... he was so happy - happier than he had been in a long time. He is always funny and always laughing, but last week, I felt like he didn't have any worries, no stress. So, yesterday, when I felt bad to returning to work and my own classwork, I decided it was so worth it for that time with my family... he deserved it and needed it more than any of the rest of us.

Sometimes, I find myself apologizing for him, for his ornery (or sometimes rough) behavior, but lately, I've decided that every kid has a "moment," despite health issues, and that I shouldn't have to apologize or feel so badly. I think this is something all moms do, though. We've all been there... ours is the loudest, roughest, meanest, or saddest kid in the group. We get "the looks" from others, but I just figured out that those looks aren't typically (ha!) judgments; they're full of empathy. Every kid  has "their moment," and that is okay!

So, while his journey, his struggles, are far from over, I know he will get through them. Although better, he still has a long road in front of him as he works through new issues. I really just hope these seizures are staying away and that he's just trying to cope with the stress and nerves of his surgery. I want it to be an "easy" fix. I want him to be happy all the time so he can share his laughs and smiles and jokes with everyone... 

Today, as we jump back into reality, I will focus on the images I have in my mind of his smiles last week, and remind him how far he has come. This, too, he will overcome; I have no doubt...