She did.
They married.
And, they lived... stressfully-ever-after.
There's no denying the many stresses that come and go during a marriage. Babies. Money. Jobs. Family. Home repairs. Did I say Money?
We have all experienced them - some worse than others, some for longer periods of time than others, some more publicly than others, but they're still there. We may not see them, but they are there. We may deny them, but they happen.
A perfect marriage isn't about not fighting, disagreeing, bickering, frustrating, annoying... A perfect marriage is about making it through the challenges, seeing past the frustrations and annoyances, learning to compromise and communicate, and realizing that you still want to wake up next to your spouse even after they drive you nuts. :)
We have all experienced them - some worse than others, some for longer periods of time than others, some more publicly than others, but they're still there. We may not see them, but they are there. We may deny them, but they happen.
A perfect marriage isn't about not fighting, disagreeing, bickering, frustrating, annoying... A perfect marriage is about making it through the challenges, seeing past the frustrations and annoyances, learning to compromise and communicate, and realizing that you still want to wake up next to your spouse even after they drive you nuts. :)
I remember after Phil and I got married everyone said, "The first year of marriage is the hardest."
I CALL B.S. (Bologna for those of you with softer ears than I.)
The first year was the easiest for us. We were still smitten. And, even though we got pregnant right away (as planned), we were still so focused on each other and bringing Landen into our world that we didn't have time to worry about much else. We were in love and were ready to tackle the world.
Then Landen entered this world in a whirlwind of challenges... I'll spare you the stories I'm sure many of you have heard. Let's just say Graden isn't my only fighter. We're lucky Landen is still with us today -- thanks to my doc! Over 32 hours of labor, many scares, an emergency c-section and surgery the next day for me, breathing complications, 7 days later, Landen and I got to come home. Not as long as many babies we met in the NICU, but I was still in trouble. In fact, Landen was released from the hospital before me.
During the first several months of Landen's life, we lived with my in-laws. Thankfully, our family is all in town, because my Dad and Mom-in-law helped me with Landen every single day... I couldn't lift him. I couldn't feed him. I couldn't do anything on my own. Each night, I had to pump while Phil fed Landen because I couldn't nurse him directly (after complications in the hospital). Phil had to help me in and out of the bed and help me set-up and clean-up. He even changed most of the diapers.
I'm not sure I've ever fully - certainly not publicly - acknowledged just how much Phil did as a new dad. I was embarrassed that I couldn't take care of my baby "like other new moms" could. But, there was Phil, doing everything I couldn't and still working every single day. He never complained.
Two short years later, Graden entered our our world -- without any chaos, actually. We were so thankful. We had done everything we could to prevent any of the issues that Landen had to deal with... until three weeks later.
Phil was going back to school, working, and still helping me a ton. Having a c-section is no easy task, and mine have been worse due to some personal health issues. Needless to say, deliveries are dangerous for me. So, again, Phil was left being "super mom" to me, Landen, and now Graden.
I've blogged this story before; you can read it here. Short version: Graden began his adventure at three weeks old -- shortly after Phil and I had celebrated our 3rd anniversary.
And so began our stressful years.
I worked two jobs for awhile so Phil could go back to school. Business wasn't his thing -- commission jobs are tough and we needed insurance. Teaching was his thing -- he is an amazing teacher, but cut-offs, transfers, lay-offs, and the entire job market of teachers was a mess when he was trying to get in (shoot, it still is slightly disorganized, many of you know this first-hand). During this mess of me working weekends, nights, and Phil trying to find something, and Graden going back and forth to the doctor without us really knowing what was wrong was our worst year. Ever.
It's no secret - we had more than one challenge. Looking back, we know we weren't even mad at each other -- we were mad at the world, our situation, our frustrations with jobs, not having enough money, fighting with insurance companies, cars breaking down, and Graden's health. There were days we just didn't understand. Our faith was being tested. Our marriage was being tested. It wasn't fair.
Luckily, we realized we loved each other too damn much to let each other go. And, Phil, never faltered. Never let me think I was a bad mom. Never gave up that we would get through anything. Never pushed me away. And, still, never complained...
So, we made it through that short time (thankfully). Phil turned a part-time job into a full-time career and has been there for several years. He's happy and they're good to him. We started finding out more about Graden and were able to begin new doctors' visits and medications. And, I was able to return to school and complete the degree I should have long ago...
Now, over the past five or so years, we've had more challenges, but not all at once. We've grown in our marriage and we've grown in our faith. Sure, I still have my days where I want to cry, hide, or scream... but don't we all need a break from life sometimes? I'm not ashamed or embarrassed (as much) as I used to be about saying that I need a break -- that doesn't make me any less of a parent. Because of Phil, I know that my decisions, our decisions, make me a good mom. The best mom for our boys. Even when I have my moments of doubt (remember, I'm quite the worrier), Phil reminds me what's important -- and he never complains.
Are we perfect? Bah! No way!
Every single one of you has heard me raise my voice at Phil or the boys. Or both. :) (I'm working on it, okay?)
I can't stand the way he folds clothes, but he tries. He leaves the dirty dishes in the sink until I do them, but he works 80 hours a week, too. I make him take out the trash and leave it pile up and overflow, which I know annoys him. ;)
I won't ever pretend to be something I'm not, and I am not super-mom. I'm strong. I always have been, but I'm also weak. My bark has always been worse than my bite. I'm tough on the outside, but mushy on the inside. I always make sure you're okay and often put myself last -- that works for me. It always has. But, I'm more scared for Monday than I have ever been about anything...
But, today, I needed you to know, Phil to know, that he is what keeps me going. Prayers help. Hugs are good. Calls, texts, emails are nice. But, Phil won't stop... believing in me, loving me, annoying me, laughing at (with) me. Teaching, encouraging, and loving our boys. Reminding the three of us why we're awesome as a family of four -- no matter the challenge that comes our way.
So, yea, once upon a time there was a girl who needed to meet a guy that would love her for all her imperfections.
Then Landen entered this world in a whirlwind of challenges... I'll spare you the stories I'm sure many of you have heard. Let's just say Graden isn't my only fighter. We're lucky Landen is still with us today -- thanks to my doc! Over 32 hours of labor, many scares, an emergency c-section and surgery the next day for me, breathing complications, 7 days later, Landen and I got to come home. Not as long as many babies we met in the NICU, but I was still in trouble. In fact, Landen was released from the hospital before me.
During the first several months of Landen's life, we lived with my in-laws. Thankfully, our family is all in town, because my Dad and Mom-in-law helped me with Landen every single day... I couldn't lift him. I couldn't feed him. I couldn't do anything on my own. Each night, I had to pump while Phil fed Landen because I couldn't nurse him directly (after complications in the hospital). Phil had to help me in and out of the bed and help me set-up and clean-up. He even changed most of the diapers.
I'm not sure I've ever fully - certainly not publicly - acknowledged just how much Phil did as a new dad. I was embarrassed that I couldn't take care of my baby "like other new moms" could. But, there was Phil, doing everything I couldn't and still working every single day. He never complained.
Two short years later, Graden entered our our world -- without any chaos, actually. We were so thankful. We had done everything we could to prevent any of the issues that Landen had to deal with... until three weeks later.
Phil was going back to school, working, and still helping me a ton. Having a c-section is no easy task, and mine have been worse due to some personal health issues. Needless to say, deliveries are dangerous for me. So, again, Phil was left being "super mom" to me, Landen, and now Graden.
I've blogged this story before; you can read it here. Short version: Graden began his adventure at three weeks old -- shortly after Phil and I had celebrated our 3rd anniversary.
And so began our stressful years.
I worked two jobs for awhile so Phil could go back to school. Business wasn't his thing -- commission jobs are tough and we needed insurance. Teaching was his thing -- he is an amazing teacher, but cut-offs, transfers, lay-offs, and the entire job market of teachers was a mess when he was trying to get in (shoot, it still is slightly disorganized, many of you know this first-hand). During this mess of me working weekends, nights, and Phil trying to find something, and Graden going back and forth to the doctor without us really knowing what was wrong was our worst year. Ever.
It's no secret - we had more than one challenge. Looking back, we know we weren't even mad at each other -- we were mad at the world, our situation, our frustrations with jobs, not having enough money, fighting with insurance companies, cars breaking down, and Graden's health. There were days we just didn't understand. Our faith was being tested. Our marriage was being tested. It wasn't fair.
Luckily, we realized we loved each other too damn much to let each other go. And, Phil, never faltered. Never let me think I was a bad mom. Never gave up that we would get through anything. Never pushed me away. And, still, never complained...
So, we made it through that short time (thankfully). Phil turned a part-time job into a full-time career and has been there for several years. He's happy and they're good to him. We started finding out more about Graden and were able to begin new doctors' visits and medications. And, I was able to return to school and complete the degree I should have long ago...
Now, over the past five or so years, we've had more challenges, but not all at once. We've grown in our marriage and we've grown in our faith. Sure, I still have my days where I want to cry, hide, or scream... but don't we all need a break from life sometimes? I'm not ashamed or embarrassed (as much) as I used to be about saying that I need a break -- that doesn't make me any less of a parent. Because of Phil, I know that my decisions, our decisions, make me a good mom. The best mom for our boys. Even when I have my moments of doubt (remember, I'm quite the worrier), Phil reminds me what's important -- and he never complains.
Are we perfect? Bah! No way!
Every single one of you has heard me raise my voice at Phil or the boys. Or both. :) (I'm working on it, okay?)
I can't stand the way he folds clothes, but he tries. He leaves the dirty dishes in the sink until I do them, but he works 80 hours a week, too. I make him take out the trash and leave it pile up and overflow, which I know annoys him. ;)
I won't ever pretend to be something I'm not, and I am not super-mom. I'm strong. I always have been, but I'm also weak. My bark has always been worse than my bite. I'm tough on the outside, but mushy on the inside. I always make sure you're okay and often put myself last -- that works for me. It always has. But, I'm more scared for Monday than I have ever been about anything...
But, today, I needed you to know, Phil to know, that he is what keeps me going. Prayers help. Hugs are good. Calls, texts, emails are nice. But, Phil won't stop... believing in me, loving me, annoying me, laughing at (with) me. Teaching, encouraging, and loving our boys. Reminding the three of us why we're awesome as a family of four -- no matter the challenge that comes our way.
So, yea, once upon a time there was a girl who needed to meet a guy that would love her for all her imperfections.
She did.
They married.
They overcame obstacles. Together.
They overcame obstacles. Together.
And, they lived happily-ever-after.
I love you, Phil. xoxox
I love you, Phil. xoxox
1 comment:
Melissa, you have such a wonderful way of expressing yourself. I love to read your blogs. You do indeed have a great husband, and it's Phil and your faith, family, and friends that will get you through this. My love and prayers go out to you and your family. Love, Cindy Schroeder
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