You can't expect the unexpected.

I've heard the saying "expect the unexpected," but how does that work, really? I mean before Graden's surgery, I may have been preparing for the worst, hoping for the best, wishing and praying for somewhere in the middle - something I could "handle," and I suppose that could qualify as trying to expect the unexpected. But, honestly, I was expecting the "what-ifs" and "unexpected." See, it's tricky.

I didn't want to be too hopeful, too optimistic - I didn't want to be mad or let down if we got bad news.

But, I didn't want to be too worried, too pessimistic either - I didn't want to make myself sick or scare Graden. 

So, I was somewhere in between. I worried every single day, but I was also hopeful, trusting... and I most certainly tried to expect the unexpected. 

What I didn't expect, though, was what was going on before, during, and now after Graden's surgery... 

In addition to Graden's amazing recovery, we have been so blessed, lucky, and surprised by an outpouring of love in so many forms. I've said a thousand times how much I appreciate the words, calls, texts, "likes," mail, gifts for Graden, and other messages, and I do - so very, very much. But, I must tell you that we've received so much more than that. Can you believe we've been given over $10,000 in the past few months? 

Yes, that said $10,000.

I won't go into publicly thanking each and every person (we don't even know everyone who has given - thanks to our anonymous friends!), because some gifts have been given privately, but here - publicly, I will say that Phil and I never expected this "unexpected" mass of caring. It's been the most overwhelming thing that has ever happened to us...

With these gifts, along with selling our house and living with my in-laws, we have been able to successfully pay ALL of Graden's previous medical bills, which included $2,000 to Riley. So, when we went to Riley on June 10th, we owed them $0. Zip. Zilch. Nada.

I can't even begin to write about what that feels like, because it is truly indescribable. 

Every single penny that has been given in Graden's name has been used for Graden and him alone. We even have a little left, sitting in an account, waiting for the next doctor bill to roll in... Of course, we do have "standing accounts" at a few places in town, but the bulk of the debt is gone. It feels surreal even typing that statement. Gone. They are gone. :)


Amazing. Our friends and family are amazing. I'm good with words, and yet there are days when I cannot find the right ones... Today is one of those days. It's a rare - VERY RARE - occasion when I'm speechless. :)


Why do I want to blog about this today? Well, in addition to publicly thanking those who have supported us financially, I wanted to acknowledge another group of people: our church family. 

On June 9th, our church, Zion Lutheran in Woodburn, held a special prayer for Graden. A few weeks prior, we had been approached about allowing a group to host a benefit dinner for Graden. Hesitantly, we considered, we talked, we thought, we prayed, and we finally decided to allow others to help as they saw fit. We had been reminded on so many occasions that Graden didn't just touch our lives -- he touches the lives of so many. Gradually, though, leading up to the 9th, we began receiving gifts. On the 9th, we received more. And, when we came home, we had the anonymous check for $2,000 in our stack of mail, and it was the icing on the cake. 

So, as much as we appreciate the group so willing to plan a benefit to help us, this weekend, we had to ask them to place it on hold. We don't want to discourage their efforts, especially those who have asked how they could help who are not able to help financially. Please know, you've already helped so much. It may sound silly to some, but the gesture and thoughts mean just as much as the money! Honestly. Not to mention that there are others in our church who may also be needing assistance soon. 

Every day is easier because of you. You have helped us eliminate a huge financial burden and begin again... because of your kindness, generosity, and compassion, we have been able to pay debts and get ourselves organized and ready to tackle the next set of obstacles that come our way.

It was not an easy decision because we may need help as soon as we get the bills from surgery in the mail. :) But, we are content and confident that we're in a much better place to address and pay those new bills. We couldn't allow a benefit to happen when we had so graciously been given these unexpected monetary gifts. 


Graden still has a long road ahead of him; in fact, just today we began our first of many follow-up visits. We have several tests and appointments between now and August. We don't know which way his journey is going, but Phil and I are stronger than we've ever been - in more ways than one. We've grown as a family, also in so many ways, and I know that we are surrounded by the best support system anyone could possibly have. It's because of all of this that I don't expect the unexpected. I can't. There's no way I could have ever prepared for any of the things 2013 has brought. Instead, I'll just tackle things as they come, knowing that the one thing I can expect is the constant support, love, encouragement, and compassion from our friends and family. 

Thank you!

One week... ago!

Can you believe it? This time, last week, we were saying our goodbyes to Graden, watching him laugh, without a care in the world, as he rode back to the operating room on his hospital bed, preparing for what could be the worst surgery of his life...

I say worst surgery because it was scary. Risky. Major. It involves hours of precision, care, and attention. It's at the base of his brain -- so very close to his spine. They actually touched my child's brain stem...

But, that's not all! The recovery is horrible. Long. Challenging...

Or, it is supposed to be!

But, for our Grado, it's been difficult - not horrible. Just another challenge he is determined to overcome. I should have known...

Makes me wonder why I was ever worried in the first place? (Yes, I'm being sarcastic!)

I will always worry about him, and we do still have a long road ahead of us, but overall -- this kid is amazing! Honestly. Doctors and nurses, Neurologists, Neurosurgeons, and Neuro-technicians all commented on his ability to respond, move, and tolerate pain that most cannot after a surgery like this - no matter their age. 

We did have our scare, but it really may have been a "fluke." We will pursue that further as we recover...

So, now we're home, beginning the second week, and we're doing okay. We are all okay...

We still have restrictions:
-no soaking in water (no baths or swimming)
-nothing on the incision (lotion, ointment, or sunscreen - so we won't be outside much)
-no touching the incision (which is one of Graden's biggest challenges because it itches!)
-no "rough" play (obviously!)
-no swinging, biking, climbing, running, or jumping -- feet need to stay on the ground
-and we have to check the incision daily and be very careful of infection, so we're cautious about visitors these next few weeks because even the slightest fever can put him at risk...

We did let him "play" outside for a bit last night, as we sat on the deck just enjoying the weather. He wore himself out quickly, though, and slept soundly last night. He's had very little pain medication, but we made sure he had some before bed so he didn't wake up sore from trying to do too much, which is another of his big challenges.

Overall, though, we're doing better than any of us (doctor included, and especially me) anticipated. This week was supposed to be spent lounging around, taking it easy, and we're still trying that, but he's definitely moving more easily than I could have ever imagined. His range of motion is still limited as his neck muscles heal, but, again, he is bound and determined to climb this mountain on his journey...

And, those of you who know him will be happy to hear he didn't miss a beat or lose his sense of humor. :)

What's next? Well, we recover. Get stronger, and we go back July 10th to visit our Neurosurgeon at Riley. At the follow-up, we will talk about the "next step," which should include follow-up tests to determine the success of the procedure. We know the surgery was successful, but we won't know if it alleviated any of our health concerns until we complete those tests -- MRI and/or Swallow Study. We can't do those tests, though, until he's had time to heal...

We still live one day at a time, and many days, we go one hour at a time... and, I'm okay with that, because he's home. He's doing great, and he's still my Grado. I couldn't ask for more.

Much of his success comes from family, friends - both new and old, and friends-of-friends or -family. The power of prayer, good thoughts, and well-wishes is truly amazing. It seems that as we've been on this journey we have learned about so many others who are also going through challenges. Some are overcoming their obstacles while others still have a tough road ahead. 

I've wondered what I would be blogging about if Graden's recovery wasn't going so well. In fact, that's what I prepared for before his surgery began. I wanted - no, I needed - to be prepared for the worst. And, I'd like to think that I would still be able to acknowledge that everything happens for a reason... but I know that acknowledgement would not be easy, and, while I can't fully imagine, I definitely came close...


Today, I end with this:

I am thankful each and every day for what I have, exactly as it is. While it could be better, I sure know it could be so much worse. For those of you going through similar challenges with health concerns, please know that we are thinking of you and are here if you need...

To all of you:

Thank you. Plain and simple. Not just from the bottom of my heart, but from the whole darn thing -- thank you, thank you, thank you to each and every single one of you. 

In (less than) twelve hours...

In twelve hours, Grado begins his surgery (7:30 am). 

In the past twelve hours, we have been busy... After a wonderful surprise birthday party for our sweet niece, Mimi, we played, finished packing, and prepared for this morning. We enjoyed church with family and friends and listened to an amazing prayer by our Pastor. We felt - as we always do, an overwhelming joy as we left. Our congregation is amazing.

Friends and family followed us home for breakfast, and even more joined. Almost 60 people came to send love, well wishes, and prayers to our G. He loved every minute of it and knew - fully well, that so many people love him and are supporting him through this process. He was all smiles all day. 

As his parents, Phil and I can't even begin to express thanks... Words just don't seem to cut it. In time, though, we will reach every one of you, specially. But, please, please know that you are all so loved.

We made it to Indy around 3 and to my sister's at 4. We had dinner and let the kiddos play. What a great way to keep distracted... Lovin' on our niece and nephew. :)

Now, we are tucked in... Exhausted! G got to play in the tub and is happily cuddled with Ironman and Monkey. He says he's ready to get to the doctor. If he is ready, we are...

I promise to post again tomorrow evening. Love to you all. 

The Hubby Who Won't Stop.

Once upon a time there was a girl who needed to meet a guy that would love her for all her imperfections. 

She did.

They married.

And, they lived... stressfully-ever-after.

There's no denying the many stresses that come and go during a marriage. Babies. Money. Jobs. Family. Home repairs. Did I say Money?

We have all experienced them - some worse than others, some for longer periods of time than others, some more publicly than others, but they're still there. We may not see them, but they are there. We may deny them, but they happen.

A perfect marriage isn't about not fighting, disagreeing, bickering, frustrating, annoying... A perfect marriage is about making it through the challenges, seeing past the frustrations and annoyances, learning to compromise and communicate, and realizing that you still want to wake up next to your spouse even after they drive you nuts. :)

I remember after Phil and I got married everyone said, "The first year of marriage is the hardest."

I CALL B.S. (Bologna for those of you with softer ears than I.)

The first year was the easiest for us. We were still smitten. And, even though we got pregnant right away (as planned), we were still so focused on each other and bringing Landen into our world that we didn't have time to worry about much else. We were in love and were ready to tackle the world.

Then Landen entered this world in a whirlwind of challenges... I'll spare you the stories I'm sure many of you have heard. Let's just say Graden isn't my only fighter. We're lucky Landen is still with us today -- thanks to my doc! Over 32 hours of labor, many scares, an emergency c-section and surgery the next day for me, breathing complications, 7 days later, Landen and I got to come home. Not as long as many babies we met in the NICU, but I was still in trouble. In fact, Landen was released from the hospital before me. 

During the first several months of Landen's life, we lived with my in-laws. Thankfully, our family is all in town, because my Dad and Mom-in-law helped me with Landen every single day... I couldn't lift him. I couldn't feed him. I couldn't do anything on my own. Each night, I had to pump while Phil fed Landen because I couldn't nurse him directly (after complications in the hospital). Phil had to help me in and out of the bed and help me set-up and clean-up. He even changed most of the diapers. 

I'm not sure I've ever fully - certainly not publicly - acknowledged just how much Phil did as a new dad. I was embarrassed that I couldn't take care of my baby "like other new moms" could. But, there was Phil, doing everything I couldn't and still working every single day. He never complained. 

Two short years later, Graden entered our our world -- without any chaos, actually. We were so thankful. We had done everything we could to prevent any of the issues that Landen had to deal with... until three weeks later.

Phil was going back to school, working, and still helping me a ton. Having a c-section is no easy task, and mine have been worse due to some personal health issues. Needless to say, deliveries are dangerous for me. So, again, Phil was left being "super mom" to me, Landen, and now Graden. 

I've blogged this story before; you can read it here. Short version: Graden began his adventure at three weeks old -- shortly after Phil and I had celebrated our 3rd anniversary.

And so began our stressful years.

I worked two jobs for awhile so Phil could go back to school. Business wasn't his thing -- commission jobs are tough and we needed insurance. Teaching was his thing -- he is an amazing teacher, but cut-offs, transfers, lay-offs, and the entire job market of teachers was a mess when he was trying to get in (shoot, it still is slightly disorganized, many of you know this first-hand). During this mess of me working weekends, nights, and Phil trying to find something, and Graden going back and forth to the doctor without us really knowing what was wrong was our worst year. Ever.

It's no secret - we had more than one challenge. Looking back, we know we weren't even mad at each other -- we were mad at the world, our situation, our frustrations with jobs, not having enough money, fighting with insurance companies, cars breaking down, and Graden's health. There were days we just didn't understand. Our faith was being tested. Our marriage was being tested. It wasn't fair.

Luckily, we realized we loved each other too damn much to let each other go. And, Phil, never faltered. Never let me think I was a bad mom. Never gave up that we would get through anything. Never pushed me away. And, still, never complained... 

So, we made it through that short time (thankfully). Phil turned a part-time job into a full-time career and has been there for several years. He's happy and they're good to him. We started finding out more about Graden and were able to begin new doctors' visits and medications. And, I was able to return to school and complete the degree I should have long ago...

Now, over the past five or so years, we've had more challenges, but not all at once. We've grown in our marriage and we've grown in our faith. Sure, I still have my days where I want to cry, hide, or scream... but don't we all need a break from life sometimes? I'm not ashamed or embarrassed (as much) as I used to be about saying that I need a break -- that doesn't make me any less of a parent. Because of Phil, I know that my decisions, our decisions, make me a good mom. The best mom for our boys. Even when I have my moments of doubt (remember, I'm quite the worrier), Phil reminds me what's important -- and he never complains.

Are we perfect? Bah! No way! 
Every single one of you has heard me raise my voice at Phil or the boys. Or both. :) (I'm working on it, okay?) 

I can't stand the way he folds clothes, but he tries. He leaves the dirty dishes in the sink until I do them, but he works 80 hours a week, too. I make him take out the trash and leave it pile up and overflow, which I know annoys him. ;)

I won't ever pretend to be something I'm not, and I am not super-mom. I'm strong. I always have been, but I'm also weak. My bark has always been worse than my bite. I'm tough on the outside, but mushy on the inside. I always make sure you're okay and often put myself last -- that works for me. It always has. But, I'm more scared for Monday than I have ever been about anything... 

But, today, I needed you to know, Phil to know, that he is what keeps me going. Prayers help. Hugs are good. Calls, texts, emails are nice. But, Phil won't stop... believing in me, loving me, annoying me, laughing at (with) me. Teaching, encouraging, and loving our boys. Reminding the three of us why we're awesome as a family of four -- no matter the challenge that comes our way.

So, yea, once upon a time there was a girl who needed to meet a guy that would love her for all her imperfections. 

She did.

They married.
They overcame obstacles. Together.

And, they lived happily-ever-after.

I love you, Phil. xoxox

Family... Friends Forever

This morning, my sister-in-law, who also happens to be one of my closest friends, updated her Facebook status to read:

Even with a very early start to my morning....today is and will be a good day, just another day in paradise that I wouldn't trade for anything. :)

It made me smile, so I clicked the obligatory "like," and paused as I reread it. It struck a cord with me. This status is very typical of her outlook on life... laid-back, positive, with an "it could always be worse" attitude.

Honestly, I wish I could have more of her patience, her good vibes, her ability to calm those around her just by being in the same room... But, mostly, her ability to push worry aside and focus on the important things. 

Now, don't get me wrong... I've seen her upset, sad, and mad, but it's just not very common. And, when she has those brief moments of bad feelings, they pass as quickly as they come on.

So, why am I writing about my dear sister-in-law on my family blog? 

Because she is my family. My family is full of people like her. In fact, I married in to a family full of people with similar attitudes. In my own immediate family, I have another sister-in-law who is another one of my closest friends, and I even love her sister and their family. 

I have aunts, uncles, and cousins by the loads -- each of them a constant in my life; even as we grow older and get busier, we still manage to connect.

I've always known I've had the best dad; that's no secret if you've known me for a long time. I have an amazing step mom, mother-in-law (yep, I said - I love my mother-in-law!), and a father-in-law who is just as laid-back and happy as my hubby.

Some would say I'm lucky to love my step-family or my in-laws, to love my brother's wife, or my sister's husband. 

I would say I'm blessed. 

It is these people -- these family members -- who help me, Phil, Landen, and Grado on a regular basis. I doubt they even realize how often they've been there for us -- not just in the big ways, but in the small ways, too. 

We are a close family -- always have been, and there is not a day that goes by that I don't forget it. Sure, I'm lucky, but I'm so very, very blessed. So, today, I publicly thank my siblings and their spouses -- on both sides, "step-siblings" and all, my in-laws, my dad and step mom, my aunts, uncles, cousins, and grandparents...  without you, our lives would not be the same. At all.

I leave you with the wise words of my sister-in-law... 

Even with __(fill in the blank)___ ....today is and will be a good day, just another day in paradise that I wouldn't trade for anything. :)

Love you, K :)