One week... ago!

Can you believe it? This time, last week, we were saying our goodbyes to Graden, watching him laugh, without a care in the world, as he rode back to the operating room on his hospital bed, preparing for what could be the worst surgery of his life...

I say worst surgery because it was scary. Risky. Major. It involves hours of precision, care, and attention. It's at the base of his brain -- so very close to his spine. They actually touched my child's brain stem...

But, that's not all! The recovery is horrible. Long. Challenging...

Or, it is supposed to be!

But, for our Grado, it's been difficult - not horrible. Just another challenge he is determined to overcome. I should have known...

Makes me wonder why I was ever worried in the first place? (Yes, I'm being sarcastic!)

I will always worry about him, and we do still have a long road ahead of us, but overall -- this kid is amazing! Honestly. Doctors and nurses, Neurologists, Neurosurgeons, and Neuro-technicians all commented on his ability to respond, move, and tolerate pain that most cannot after a surgery like this - no matter their age. 

We did have our scare, but it really may have been a "fluke." We will pursue that further as we recover...

So, now we're home, beginning the second week, and we're doing okay. We are all okay...

We still have restrictions:
-no soaking in water (no baths or swimming)
-nothing on the incision (lotion, ointment, or sunscreen - so we won't be outside much)
-no touching the incision (which is one of Graden's biggest challenges because it itches!)
-no "rough" play (obviously!)
-no swinging, biking, climbing, running, or jumping -- feet need to stay on the ground
-and we have to check the incision daily and be very careful of infection, so we're cautious about visitors these next few weeks because even the slightest fever can put him at risk...

We did let him "play" outside for a bit last night, as we sat on the deck just enjoying the weather. He wore himself out quickly, though, and slept soundly last night. He's had very little pain medication, but we made sure he had some before bed so he didn't wake up sore from trying to do too much, which is another of his big challenges.

Overall, though, we're doing better than any of us (doctor included, and especially me) anticipated. This week was supposed to be spent lounging around, taking it easy, and we're still trying that, but he's definitely moving more easily than I could have ever imagined. His range of motion is still limited as his neck muscles heal, but, again, he is bound and determined to climb this mountain on his journey...

And, those of you who know him will be happy to hear he didn't miss a beat or lose his sense of humor. :)

What's next? Well, we recover. Get stronger, and we go back July 10th to visit our Neurosurgeon at Riley. At the follow-up, we will talk about the "next step," which should include follow-up tests to determine the success of the procedure. We know the surgery was successful, but we won't know if it alleviated any of our health concerns until we complete those tests -- MRI and/or Swallow Study. We can't do those tests, though, until he's had time to heal...

We still live one day at a time, and many days, we go one hour at a time... and, I'm okay with that, because he's home. He's doing great, and he's still my Grado. I couldn't ask for more.

Much of his success comes from family, friends - both new and old, and friends-of-friends or -family. The power of prayer, good thoughts, and well-wishes is truly amazing. It seems that as we've been on this journey we have learned about so many others who are also going through challenges. Some are overcoming their obstacles while others still have a tough road ahead. 

I've wondered what I would be blogging about if Graden's recovery wasn't going so well. In fact, that's what I prepared for before his surgery began. I wanted - no, I needed - to be prepared for the worst. And, I'd like to think that I would still be able to acknowledge that everything happens for a reason... but I know that acknowledgement would not be easy, and, while I can't fully imagine, I definitely came close...


Today, I end with this:

I am thankful each and every day for what I have, exactly as it is. While it could be better, I sure know it could be so much worse. For those of you going through similar challenges with health concerns, please know that we are thinking of you and are here if you need...

To all of you:

Thank you. Plain and simple. Not just from the bottom of my heart, but from the whole darn thing -- thank you, thank you, thank you to each and every single one of you. 

How did I miss that?

I always thought I was good at recognizing the differences between wants and needs, but it turns out I wasn't. You see, I grew up learning about working hard to get what you want, being the "good guy," having manners, and helping others. I never needed to be first or win everything. We had fun with what we had. Sure, there were days we remembered we weren't rich, but we got over it pretty quickly.

It's no secret my family overcame struggles, but we surely did not do without. My dad made us feel "normal" and supplied those wants. But the needs? They were always there. I didn't realize that my dad actually worked two jobs to help pay the utilities; instead, there was a time we thought he worked two jobs to give us what we wanted. He never made working two jobs our fault... it was just what needed to be done.

So, even before I started my family, I knew I wanted to be the same with my kids -- teach them about hard work, manners, and respecting/loving others. And, now, as I teach my boys each day, I try to be like my dad. And, I think I'm pretty good at it. We talk about the "whys" to cleaning up, helping others, being nice, and having manners. So far, so good.

But, gradually, over the past year especially, I've become hypersensitive to the needs of others. No longer do I just want my boys to "be nice" -- I want them to acknowledge that there are people who do not have the basic needs: water, a house, a bed, new shoes, or the latest Nintendo game. Well, okay, a Nintendo game is not a basic need, but you get the drift...

And, while I don't want to scare them or sound like the mean parent, they really need to know that there are starving kids out there -- and not just in other countries. There are kids who don't have birthday parties. And, there are kids struggling with illnesses that we cannot see every single day!

I could lie and tell you that I am noticing these things as I "get older," but that's not it.

I notice these things because of Graden. My ornery Grado has reminded me that life is challenging for many - in more ways than one.

When we go to doctors' appointments, I see other families who are struggling financially, emotionally, and physically even. I hear them pleading with nurses, secretaries, and doctors about bills, help with prescriptions, shelter or transportation. I read newspapers, social media updates, or magazines and learn about families who are homeless or unemployed. I have to explain to Landen why little Johnny can't go outside at recess with the rest of the kids because of the holes in his shoes, missing gloves, or no winter coat. I have to read the signs of the men and women standing on the corner to the boys in the backseat.

I've had to have the conversation about why we sold our house without making the boys feel like they did anything wrong...

I know. I really know. It could always be worse for me. For Graden. For us. I never, ever forget that and remember to count my blessings each and every day. But, I don't understand how I missed it before. There are so many people who need our help. And, I know... we can't help everyone, but if everyone helped someone... well, it would help a lot. 

Doctor bills alone are stressful... anyone who has one (no matter the amount) knows this to be true. But, many people do not have a choice... In our case, for example, we have to keep paying these doctor bills -- these are the people helping Graden! There are days when it's much more difficult than I share... But, we made the choice to take on treatments.

These people, though, did not have a choice. Can you imagine a flood ruining your home? A tornado? A hurricane? Losing everything? Baby books, photo albums... memories? Gone! In Indiana, we typically get lucky... but one quick storm changed that for many last weekend. I counted 6 homes just in my addition who had ripped carpet out (from water damage). The people in the link above, though, they lost it all and were evacuated. Can you help? I don't have much right now, but I plan to take something... 

How about my friend, Natalie? You can read her blog here. She is leaving today on a Mission trip to Zambia to help orphans (she is taking an entire suitcase full of socks!) for a few weeks. When she comes home, she is leaving again to Uganda, Africa for two years (at least) to teach English at a school there. You can donate to her trip here. Every single penny helps her. Truly.

There are so many things going on every day in our city. I've posted about reaching my goal for the new CSF Chapter,  but have I told you I'm working with a new mentoring/tutoring program, too? It's called The Brandon Foundation (different than the one in Indianapolis). Caty H and Lucretia L (both ladies I went to high school with) have co-founded this program "where children are shown their potential while supporting them academically and socially." There's still time to help us with this project; we are in need of a few more mentors during the 2013-14 school year. Could you commit to helping a child every Monday and Tuesday from 4-6 pm? We can talk about this if you think it's something you would be interested in. 

Every year, my sister-in-law creates a team to walk in memory of her Grandpa, who passed away from ALS. The walk will be in October this year (at IPFW). The money they raise goes towards finding a cure for such a horrible disease. In fact, there are several walks a year in Fort Wayne: March of Dimes, Relay for Life... Again, I know it's hard to help everyone, but you could pick one and do it every year. Or, alternate years. Or, give $1.00 to each. :) I love the ALS slogan -- "Walk Because You Can." Makes you think... 

What about foster parents or families who adopt? Talk about helping others... I know several parents who have adopted for many different reasons, but that's one huge way of giving back. Melts my heart...There are just so many things we can do for others. The possibilities are endless, really.

What about you? Do you have a project? Do you volunteer? Donate on a regular basis? Tell me. Share your ideas with others. How can we continue to help each other? For starters, we have to tell each other and realize to gift is too small... pop tabs for Riley? Box Tops for schools? Soup kitchen? Mowing your neighbor's yard? Thank you cards to nurses, teachers? Remember, it's not always about financial needs. 

So many people have reached out to us for Graden. It's overwhelming, humbling, sometimes embarrassing, until I remember that "what goes around, comes around." We are so grateful. I don't know if I'll ever be able to repay everyone, but I know I will try by helping others - even if all I can do is share their stories like I did today. 

Pay it forward, folks. We don't want to miss it.

--
Here's another organization that I support:
http://www.kah-fortwayne.org/
Check it out! The director is a dear friend of ours. 

Family... Friends Forever

This morning, my sister-in-law, who also happens to be one of my closest friends, updated her Facebook status to read:

Even with a very early start to my morning....today is and will be a good day, just another day in paradise that I wouldn't trade for anything. :)

It made me smile, so I clicked the obligatory "like," and paused as I reread it. It struck a cord with me. This status is very typical of her outlook on life... laid-back, positive, with an "it could always be worse" attitude.

Honestly, I wish I could have more of her patience, her good vibes, her ability to calm those around her just by being in the same room... But, mostly, her ability to push worry aside and focus on the important things. 

Now, don't get me wrong... I've seen her upset, sad, and mad, but it's just not very common. And, when she has those brief moments of bad feelings, they pass as quickly as they come on.

So, why am I writing about my dear sister-in-law on my family blog? 

Because she is my family. My family is full of people like her. In fact, I married in to a family full of people with similar attitudes. In my own immediate family, I have another sister-in-law who is another one of my closest friends, and I even love her sister and their family. 

I have aunts, uncles, and cousins by the loads -- each of them a constant in my life; even as we grow older and get busier, we still manage to connect.

I've always known I've had the best dad; that's no secret if you've known me for a long time. I have an amazing step mom, mother-in-law (yep, I said - I love my mother-in-law!), and a father-in-law who is just as laid-back and happy as my hubby.

Some would say I'm lucky to love my step-family or my in-laws, to love my brother's wife, or my sister's husband. 

I would say I'm blessed. 

It is these people -- these family members -- who help me, Phil, Landen, and Grado on a regular basis. I doubt they even realize how often they've been there for us -- not just in the big ways, but in the small ways, too. 

We are a close family -- always have been, and there is not a day that goes by that I don't forget it. Sure, I'm lucky, but I'm so very, very blessed. So, today, I publicly thank my siblings and their spouses -- on both sides, "step-siblings" and all, my in-laws, my dad and step mom, my aunts, uncles, cousins, and grandparents...  without you, our lives would not be the same. At all.

I leave you with the wise words of my sister-in-law... 

Even with __(fill in the blank)___ ....today is and will be a good day, just another day in paradise that I wouldn't trade for anything. :)

Love you, K :)