Grado has been medicine-free for three months today!
Overall, he's been doing great... So great, in fact, that there were days when I honestly didn't think about his health. I cannot explain what that feels like, but it's a mix of scary and relief. Scary because I don't ever want to completely forget and relief because it feels good not to remember...
Yesterday, though, we had a reminder that he lives with his "special brain" every day.
After a fun, eventful but relaxing, weekend, we were being lazy, sitting in our backyard, enjoying the beautiful, overcast day, and the boys talked Phil into playing catch with the football, which quickly turned into a game of "Tackle Dad."
Phil was easy; he always is. But, that didn't stop Graden from running to Phil and jumping in his arms. Phil, like any good dad, picked him up, turned him upside down, and spun him around... all in good fun, of course. Graden and Landen (and Phil!) were all smiles and their laughs were contagious as I watched safely along the sidelines.
A few minutes passed, and Graden walked over to sit down beside me.
He said the words that I hate to hear, "My brain is going crazy mom."
The yard went silent. Landen looked at me, and I turned to look at Phil. We all know what those words mean.
And, to be fair, I don't know if Graden really feels his brain going crazy, but who are we to question this kid? He knows his brain better than we do, so we listen. We don't have a choice. And, anyone who knows Grado knows he doesn't just stop or take breaks lightly. So, we sat there a few minutes, waiting...
I couldn't take my eyes off him. I kept thinking that he may be feeling a seizure coming on... And, instead of wrapping my arms around him, I had to put my game face on, knowing that I may be forced into quick action.
We tried asking him a few questions, "Where is it going crazy? Can you point to it? Is it like a headache? What does it feel like? Do you need some water?" He tried answering, but he can't fully explain it. After a few sips of ice water, a few hard blinks of his eyes, and some calming breaths, he seemed to be calming his crazy brain.
Needless to say, we sat in silence for a bit longer. I think Phil felt bad, but it's not his fault. We never know when Grado's brain is going to "go crazy." Maybe they were playing a bit rough for his head, but they really were being careful, "normal" boys... so, what do you do? I can't put him in a bubble forever.
Although, there are days when I wish I could...
So, despite being medicine-free for three months, we're still walking on this journey. Of course, most days, Graden is running, but he's so tough and grows more so each day.
