Wednesday, July 15, 2009

OUR PLAYDATE WITH HAYLEE & BLAKE!


Graden following Blake down the slide.


Graden pushing Blake on Haylee's bike...
Andy & Phil must be proud Papas! :)


Graden pretending he is a dog?
He stuck his tongue out while splashing...
Too funny!


Landen the fish. Haylee was freezing.
Blake watched. Graden laughed.
:) They had a good time!


The best part: SNACK TIME!

Tuesday, July 14, 2009

Childhood Cancer...

Did you know that childhood cancer is the form of cancer that has the LEAST amount of money given for research? That just doesn't seem right to me... Families of children with childhood cancer usually do their own fundraising for research. Why should they have to worry about that when their child is so sick? Why? And, why don't we hear more about this?

I read that today while reading some updates on a CaringBridge website... I got an update from a little girl we know that has Neuroblastoma (Carley Hoffman - who I've mentioned on this blog before). Read: http://www.caringbridge.org/visit/carleyhoffman
We pray daily for Carley and other children who we've never even met who are sick. While reading Carley's page, I linked to one of her friend's pages (Parker) and then read on to another: http://www.caringbridge.org/visit/kayleerivers

The point of me telling you this is that I came across a beautiful 5 year old little girl (Kaylee) who passed away on July 8th... One year and two days after being diagnosed with cancer. Can you imagine? I sat here at my computer and just let my tears fall for this beautiful little girl who brought so much joy to so many people - including her siblings. What a neat family. What a neat story she had, too! It breaks my heart that God needed her more than her family did. Some things just test my faith... I like answers. I like reasons. I like CONTROL. Will I ever learn that God really does have control over everything... that he has reasons... and that he has the answers? I'm not sure. And, I'm certainly not sure that I could handle the loss of a child by giving my heart to God. Could I trust that God would take care of my boys? I don't want to find out. I regret that I complain about asthma.... "GIVE ME A BREAK, MELISSA!" That's what I thought to myself today. How selfish am I? I read Parker's mom's entry on this caringbridge site today and cried. This mom is right!
(Read: http://www.caringbridge.org/visit/parkerstasny/journal and read the entry for July 8th.)
I need to live each day as if it really were my last or the boys' last. How many times do you hear that? I try some days and forget others... I take for granted that even though my boys have been over some bumps, they survive. Every day is not a test for them. There are kids with cancer and I should be thankful that God has spared my boys of something so serious. My heart aches for children who fight EVERY SINGLE DAY!!! Parker's mother says "Thanks for listening and love your children as though there is no tomorrow. Today is a gift, cherish it." Again, she is right!

I'm just angry now that I've gotten my tears out! I don't understand why any child should ever have to go through something so terrible to then pass away... why couldn't she make it through? She fought. She did everything right. I hurt for her. I hurt for her family. I hurt because I don't have an answer.

I will pray for her... this Kaylee, who I never had the pleasure of meeting (several states away). Her story touched my heart and snapped me back into reality. I squeezed my boys as I laid them down for a nap just a few short minutes ago. As I walked towards the computer. I stopped in the hallway (between both bedroom doors) and I got down on my knees and cried. I whispered: Please God place love in the hearts of Kaylee's family. Let them know You will take great care of her. And, please help me to live each day as it is Your gift to me and my family. Please.

Tuesday, July 7, 2009

Landen

Update on Landen (July 7, 2009):
I try to keep everyone up to date on the boys and their health. This past week was a crazy roller coaster… I ended up taking Landen to the ER last Wednesday afternoon. We got to come home Wednesday night. We saw our pediatrician on Thursday and she (like me) had had enough! With every cough and cold, Landen was getting worse more quickly than the cold before… (We had just gone in for a visit the previous Monday – so three doctor’s visits in one week!) She requested that we go see a wonderful, highly qualified Allergist/Immunologist (Asthma) Doctor. We got in on Monday, July 6th. (How do you like that for fast service?!)

So, it is official: Landen has asthma. We were quite pleased with the outcome of the appointment. Although we never want to hear that something is wrong with Landen’s health, we were expecting it. We are thankful that we will now know how to handle his health issues.

After some testing, some crying, and some waiting (over two hours worth), we found out that he is developing some allergies (mostly seasonal) and that he in fact has asthma. It is severe enough that he now has his very own inhaler (with an aero-chamber and pediatric mask attachment). She says that his asthma is “chronic asthma”. He will have it his entire life. Of course, his asthma may go into a sort of “remission” where we may not see any flare-ups or have any incidents for several years at a time… but it will always be there. This is why Landen will now be “inhaling” every morning before he starts his day and every night before bed. Eventually, it may be maintained with one or the other, but for the next three months we’ll be focusing on the treatment so it’s twice a day. The doctor says the good news about asthma is that unlike diabetes and arthritis which can eventually deteriorate the body in various ways, asthma (if treated properly) can be maintained so that it doesn’t get worse (or cause harm in the bronchial tubes). In fact, when Landen is 95 years old, he could still have sufficient lung capacity and similar functions as that of a healthy person without asthma.

The doctor mentioned that Landen is still young and things in his body are still developing and can change. He will have yearly allergy testing for the next several years (maybe until he’s 7 or so) until we’re certain what he is allergic to… it is important we stay on top of his allergies because knowing that there are things that bother him helps us to avoid those things and keep his asthma (breathing) under control. The doctor calls them “triggers”. There are other triggers as well: humidity, smoke, cold air, dust, seasons changing… basic things that may bother the respiratory system. The doctor made it clear that once his asthma is treated, there will be times when he gets the common cold and he may be able to handle it like a normal, healthy child with no extra steps or medicines (preventative). There may also be times where it attacks his chest (as it does now) and we have to do more steps with the inhaler (or breathing machine). Either way, it’s a relief to know that we can treat him and that we can live with this illness. We’re used to the extra steps. Landen’s been doing his own breathing treatments for years. The doctor was confident in his ability to handle the medicines (as needed) and the use of the daily inhaler. We have moved passed the breathing machine. She was optimistic that by starting him so early (which isn’t normal – usually they’re ‘school age’), he will be better at knowing (and setting) his own limitations. Landen has already displayed the responsible characteristic before having the inhaler… he knows when he needs a break. Sometimes he pushes himself more than Mom would like to see, but he knows his body best. I can’t believe he’s old enough to make some of his own important decisions. I didn’t think I’d have to learn so early to let someone else have control over him… even if it is himself. I’m learning… but, I’m not sure it’ll ever get easier.

So, is it life-altering… sure. But, it’s not necessarily life-threatening. We can live with it. We will live with it. Several people live normal, active lives with asthma. I never thought I’d be happy to have it “official”, but I am. We have a few more steps of course: tests, check-ups, allergies, and so on… but it’s all things that affect what we already know to be there. I finally feel confident that it can only get better from here. Up to this point, I’ve said that the worst part is the up and the down… the not knowing what caused it or what made it worse. I’m thankful for his overall good health and count my blessings that we can move on and treat him properly. I have a great pediatrician who has been so patient with all my calls and questions… I’m thrilled to know that she personally called the new doctor before we came in so that I didn’t have to relive the entire health history/background. What a nice gesture. The new doctor says that she (our current doctor) has done all the right steps (with even some extra along the way) and has maintained Landen for as long as she could… and it’s still even “early” for most patients his age (usually they wait another year or so). That makes me feel good and proud of my doctor and her (our) decisions thus far.

Thank you for your continued prayers and patience. I know I can be a pain… I worry. I stress. I even forget my manners… but I never forget who’s been there for me to listen, give advice, pick up Graden… you name it: I’m grateful. I’ve said this to many people: I always know that Landen’s health could be worse (much worse), but it doesn’t make it easier when you’re actually going through it (it’s been a long road of unknowns). When it’s actually happening, when he’s sick – he’s all I see and think about. I forget then that it could be worse, because when he can’t breathe, I’m not sure that anything else could be worse at that moment! When I’m actually watching him try to catch his breath and he can’t even finish his sentence. It’s tough as a mother to watch him struggle, wondering if I can really perform CPR on my own child if I had too… Wondering if I can remain calm and take care of the situation and do all the right steps and make all the right decisions fast enough… I’m glad to know that I know now what to do. I can fix it on my own first – and fast – or maintain it enough to have time to get him more treatment.

After every hospital visit, I come home and we just sit. I hold Landen for as long as he’ll let me. I give him lots of hugs, love and attention… and before I go to bed that night, I thank God for walking me through it. I try not to question it. It’s not important anyways. What’s important is that we made it back home… and that I got to kiss him goodnight… and that he was comfortable, breathing nice and slow… and that tomorrow brings a new morning full of laughter, smiles, and use of his great imagination!