Did you know that childhood cancer is the form of cancer that has the LEAST amount of money given for research? That just doesn't seem right to me... Families of children with childhood cancer usually do their own fundraising for research. Why should they have to worry about that when their child is so sick? Why? And, why don't we hear more about this?
I read that today while reading some updates on a CaringBridge website... I got an update from a little girl we know that has Neuroblastoma (Carley Hoffman - who I've mentioned on this blog before). Read: http://www.caringbridge.org/visit/carleyhoffman
We pray daily for Carley and other children who we've never even met who are sick. While reading Carley's page, I linked to one of her friend's pages (Parker) and then read on to another: http://www.caringbridge.org/visit/kayleerivers
The point of me telling you this is that I came across a beautiful 5 year old little girl (Kaylee) who passed away on July 8th... One year and two days after being diagnosed with cancer. Can you imagine? I sat here at my computer and just let my tears fall for this beautiful little girl who brought so much joy to so many people - including her siblings. What a neat family. What a neat story she had, too! It breaks my heart that God needed her more than her family did. Some things just test my faith... I like answers. I like reasons. I like CONTROL. Will I ever learn that God really does have control over everything... that he has reasons... and that he has the answers? I'm not sure. And, I'm certainly not sure that I could handle the loss of a child by giving my heart to God. Could I trust that God would take care of my boys? I don't want to find out. I regret that I complain about asthma.... "GIVE ME A BREAK, MELISSA!" That's what I thought to myself today. How selfish am I? I read Parker's mom's entry on this caringbridge site today and cried. This mom is right!
(Read: http://www.caringbridge.org/visit/parkerstasny/journal and read the entry for July 8th.)
I need to live each day as if it really were my last or the boys' last. How many times do you hear that? I try some days and forget others... I take for granted that even though my boys have been over some bumps, they survive. Every day is not a test for them. There are kids with cancer and I should be thankful that God has spared my boys of something so serious. My heart aches for children who fight EVERY SINGLE DAY!!! Parker's mother says "Thanks for listening and love your children as though there is no tomorrow. Today is a gift, cherish it." Again, she is right!
I'm just angry now that I've gotten my tears out! I don't understand why any child should ever have to go through something so terrible to then pass away... why couldn't she make it through? She fought. She did everything right. I hurt for her. I hurt for her family. I hurt because I don't have an answer.
I will pray for her... this Kaylee, who I never had the pleasure of meeting (several states away). Her story touched my heart and snapped me back into reality. I squeezed my boys as I laid them down for a nap just a few short minutes ago. As I walked towards the computer. I stopped in the hallway (between both bedroom doors) and I got down on my knees and cried. I whispered: Please God place love in the hearts of Kaylee's family. Let them know You will take great care of her. And, please help me to live each day as it is Your gift to me and my family. Please.
1 comment:
hey Melissa, I appreciated your honesty and vulnerability in this post. I have noticed as I've grown in my relationship with the Lord how he has allowed my heart to be broken for those things that break his heart. 5 years ago I wouldn't have described myself as compassionate but God has changed me in that way (and many others). I think he allows us this brokenness to spur us into action so that we don't just accept the horrible things that happen but try to do something about them and come alongside those that are hurting to show them the love of Christ. There is a fine balance between knowing God is in control of all things and uses those things for his glory and allowing ourselves to despair too much. I often have to check myself from getting down too much about things and remember that God has a purpose for me and my job is to fulfill that while his job is to do everything else. He is good, even though bad things happen!
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