How did I miss that?

I always thought I was good at recognizing the differences between wants and needs, but it turns out I wasn't. You see, I grew up learning about working hard to get what you want, being the "good guy," having manners, and helping others. I never needed to be first or win everything. We had fun with what we had. Sure, there were days we remembered we weren't rich, but we got over it pretty quickly.

It's no secret my family overcame struggles, but we surely did not do without. My dad made us feel "normal" and supplied those wants. But the needs? They were always there. I didn't realize that my dad actually worked two jobs to help pay the utilities; instead, there was a time we thought he worked two jobs to give us what we wanted. He never made working two jobs our fault... it was just what needed to be done.

So, even before I started my family, I knew I wanted to be the same with my kids -- teach them about hard work, manners, and respecting/loving others. And, now, as I teach my boys each day, I try to be like my dad. And, I think I'm pretty good at it. We talk about the "whys" to cleaning up, helping others, being nice, and having manners. So far, so good.

But, gradually, over the past year especially, I've become hypersensitive to the needs of others. No longer do I just want my boys to "be nice" -- I want them to acknowledge that there are people who do not have the basic needs: water, a house, a bed, new shoes, or the latest Nintendo game. Well, okay, a Nintendo game is not a basic need, but you get the drift...

And, while I don't want to scare them or sound like the mean parent, they really need to know that there are starving kids out there -- and not just in other countries. There are kids who don't have birthday parties. And, there are kids struggling with illnesses that we cannot see every single day!

I could lie and tell you that I am noticing these things as I "get older," but that's not it.

I notice these things because of Graden. My ornery Grado has reminded me that life is challenging for many - in more ways than one.

When we go to doctors' appointments, I see other families who are struggling financially, emotionally, and physically even. I hear them pleading with nurses, secretaries, and doctors about bills, help with prescriptions, shelter or transportation. I read newspapers, social media updates, or magazines and learn about families who are homeless or unemployed. I have to explain to Landen why little Johnny can't go outside at recess with the rest of the kids because of the holes in his shoes, missing gloves, or no winter coat. I have to read the signs of the men and women standing on the corner to the boys in the backseat.

I've had to have the conversation about why we sold our house without making the boys feel like they did anything wrong...

I know. I really know. It could always be worse for me. For Graden. For us. I never, ever forget that and remember to count my blessings each and every day. But, I don't understand how I missed it before. There are so many people who need our help. And, I know... we can't help everyone, but if everyone helped someone... well, it would help a lot. 

Doctor bills alone are stressful... anyone who has one (no matter the amount) knows this to be true. But, many people do not have a choice... In our case, for example, we have to keep paying these doctor bills -- these are the people helping Graden! There are days when it's much more difficult than I share... But, we made the choice to take on treatments.

These people, though, did not have a choice. Can you imagine a flood ruining your home? A tornado? A hurricane? Losing everything? Baby books, photo albums... memories? Gone! In Indiana, we typically get lucky... but one quick storm changed that for many last weekend. I counted 6 homes just in my addition who had ripped carpet out (from water damage). The people in the link above, though, they lost it all and were evacuated. Can you help? I don't have much right now, but I plan to take something... 

How about my friend, Natalie? You can read her blog here. She is leaving today on a Mission trip to Zambia to help orphans (she is taking an entire suitcase full of socks!) for a few weeks. When she comes home, she is leaving again to Uganda, Africa for two years (at least) to teach English at a school there. You can donate to her trip here. Every single penny helps her. Truly.

There are so many things going on every day in our city. I've posted about reaching my goal for the new CSF Chapter,  but have I told you I'm working with a new mentoring/tutoring program, too? It's called The Brandon Foundation (different than the one in Indianapolis). Caty H and Lucretia L (both ladies I went to high school with) have co-founded this program "where children are shown their potential while supporting them academically and socially." There's still time to help us with this project; we are in need of a few more mentors during the 2013-14 school year. Could you commit to helping a child every Monday and Tuesday from 4-6 pm? We can talk about this if you think it's something you would be interested in. 

Every year, my sister-in-law creates a team to walk in memory of her Grandpa, who passed away from ALS. The walk will be in October this year (at IPFW). The money they raise goes towards finding a cure for such a horrible disease. In fact, there are several walks a year in Fort Wayne: March of Dimes, Relay for Life... Again, I know it's hard to help everyone, but you could pick one and do it every year. Or, alternate years. Or, give $1.00 to each. :) I love the ALS slogan -- "Walk Because You Can." Makes you think... 

What about foster parents or families who adopt? Talk about helping others... I know several parents who have adopted for many different reasons, but that's one huge way of giving back. Melts my heart...There are just so many things we can do for others. The possibilities are endless, really.

What about you? Do you have a project? Do you volunteer? Donate on a regular basis? Tell me. Share your ideas with others. How can we continue to help each other? For starters, we have to tell each other and realize to gift is too small... pop tabs for Riley? Box Tops for schools? Soup kitchen? Mowing your neighbor's yard? Thank you cards to nurses, teachers? Remember, it's not always about financial needs. 

So many people have reached out to us for Graden. It's overwhelming, humbling, sometimes embarrassing, until I remember that "what goes around, comes around." We are so grateful. I don't know if I'll ever be able to repay everyone, but I know I will try by helping others - even if all I can do is share their stories like I did today. 

Pay it forward, folks. We don't want to miss it.

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Here's another organization that I support:
http://www.kah-fortwayne.org/
Check it out! The director is a dear friend of ours. 

Raising good boys...

My hope in sharing things about my boys, especially Graden, is to share his story, his challenges, his journey. I never want anyone to think I'm searching for compliments or pity; hopefully, you know me well enough by now...

In all honesty, I spend more time than I should deciding what to share and what not to share. I'm sure I'm not pleasing everyone, and I'm sorry if I upset you... never my intention; I always have good intentions. Always.

Trying to raise "good" boys is a challenge, whether your son is healthy or not. Shoot, trying to raise good kids is work... we all know that, whether you're a parent or not. I could go into the "back when I was a kid" lecture, but I'll spare you. We all know things have changed; influences begin at younger ages. Regardless, I'm a firm believer in communication. It's what my dad always did, and I think I turned out alright. (Please refrain from commenting on that.) :)

It's not a secret that I talk to my son. I talk to everyone. I'm like an open book... you know when I'm happy. You know when I'm sad. I can't help it. Because of this, I've always talked to Landen at a more "grown-up" level than I probably should. But, why lie? He can always tell when something is wrong.

"Mom, do I have to get a shot today?" -- a question I constantly hear from both boys as we go to their several doctor visits.

I've always been - and always will be - honest with the boys. A straight yes or no works fine. If I must say "I don't know," I follow it with an explanation.

I'm not telling you this to persuade you to change your ways if you answer that famous question with a "we'll see," knowing fully-well that you're going for vaccinations. :)

Instead, I tell you this because I'm trying to show you that this is what I've had to do for my boys. All they know is a life of going to visit doctors' offices; Graden more so than Landen, but still... They've needed me to be honest. They've needed to know what to expect.

And, Landen knows what to expect. Landen knows more than I even realize. Rather, he understands more...

This week, he hasn't been feeling well. He went to school Monday, stayed home Tuesday, and went back yesterday. As many of you know, I was in the hospital with Graden from 9 am Tuesday to 11:30 am Wednesday for his test. Needless to say, it's been a long few days...

When I picked Landen up from school yesterday, he was in bad shape -- burning up with a fever, as pale as his white t-shirt, and shivering with the shakes from his temperature. He said he was exhausted and fell asleep on the 4 minute drive home.

As you can imagine, I got him home, called the doctor and made an appointment for this morning, got him into comfy clothes, gave him some medicine, and wrapped him up on the couch for the night. When I sat down with him and asked him why he didn't tell his teacher so she could call me to come get him, do you know what he said?

"Mom, I was okay. I didn't want to bother you, because I  know you needed to be with Graden."

*sigh*

I couldn't even reply. Of course I would've made it work; I would have gotten him from school, but he tried to be tough for me. For his brother. For his dad, who had already missed a few days of work and was working out of town. What was I supposed to say to that?

I was mad (the worried-kind-of-mad) at him for a second. Then, I was heartbroken. My seven-year-old was putting the feelings of so many others ahead of his own. And, this wasn't the first time...

Raising good boys... Yep, there's some hard work in there, but mostly, I'm lucky. I'm lucky to have these two. They make raising them easy.

Today, after his doctor's appointment, we talked some more about this. I think he understands now that it's okay for him to need me, too. But, I won't be surprised if he puts his little brother's feelings first again down the road...

And, that little brother, well, he did great yesterday. He missed his brother and wanted him to come play. (Don't let me fool you -- they still wrestle and argue like brothers, but they definitely love each other in a strong way for being so young.) Landen got to visit Graden, though, and that made his day! (Well, that and all the snacks and nurses he flirted with...) :)

Now, as we wait for Graden's results from the Video-EEG, I sweat. I saw the monitor, and, as hard as I tried, I couldn't help but stare at it often throughout the day/night. Have I mentioned that this never gets easier?

Remember, Monday we started with the BiPAP machine (I said CPAP in my last post, but I was wrong.) The machine was scary the first night; I had to choke back tears as he asked me to stay in the room until he fell asleep. Last night, though, Grado was very proud to set it up himself and fall asleep without Phil or me.

He, too, is a good boy. He never complains about any of this... he does what he needs to do and never ceases to amaze me with his constant optimism and strength.

How did I get so lucky? So blessed? So loved...

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Now, we lay low. We rest so Landen gets better, and we wait by the phone until the doctor calls with the results from the V-EEG. As always, I will keep you posted.