Raising good boys...

My hope in sharing things about my boys, especially Graden, is to share his story, his challenges, his journey. I never want anyone to think I'm searching for compliments or pity; hopefully, you know me well enough by now...

In all honesty, I spend more time than I should deciding what to share and what not to share. I'm sure I'm not pleasing everyone, and I'm sorry if I upset you... never my intention; I always have good intentions. Always.

Trying to raise "good" boys is a challenge, whether your son is healthy or not. Shoot, trying to raise good kids is work... we all know that, whether you're a parent or not. I could go into the "back when I was a kid" lecture, but I'll spare you. We all know things have changed; influences begin at younger ages. Regardless, I'm a firm believer in communication. It's what my dad always did, and I think I turned out alright. (Please refrain from commenting on that.) :)

It's not a secret that I talk to my son. I talk to everyone. I'm like an open book... you know when I'm happy. You know when I'm sad. I can't help it. Because of this, I've always talked to Landen at a more "grown-up" level than I probably should. But, why lie? He can always tell when something is wrong.

"Mom, do I have to get a shot today?" -- a question I constantly hear from both boys as we go to their several doctor visits.

I've always been - and always will be - honest with the boys. A straight yes or no works fine. If I must say "I don't know," I follow it with an explanation.

I'm not telling you this to persuade you to change your ways if you answer that famous question with a "we'll see," knowing fully-well that you're going for vaccinations. :)

Instead, I tell you this because I'm trying to show you that this is what I've had to do for my boys. All they know is a life of going to visit doctors' offices; Graden more so than Landen, but still... They've needed me to be honest. They've needed to know what to expect.

And, Landen knows what to expect. Landen knows more than I even realize. Rather, he understands more...

This week, he hasn't been feeling well. He went to school Monday, stayed home Tuesday, and went back yesterday. As many of you know, I was in the hospital with Graden from 9 am Tuesday to 11:30 am Wednesday for his test. Needless to say, it's been a long few days...

When I picked Landen up from school yesterday, he was in bad shape -- burning up with a fever, as pale as his white t-shirt, and shivering with the shakes from his temperature. He said he was exhausted and fell asleep on the 4 minute drive home.

As you can imagine, I got him home, called the doctor and made an appointment for this morning, got him into comfy clothes, gave him some medicine, and wrapped him up on the couch for the night. When I sat down with him and asked him why he didn't tell his teacher so she could call me to come get him, do you know what he said?

"Mom, I was okay. I didn't want to bother you, because I  know you needed to be with Graden."

*sigh*

I couldn't even reply. Of course I would've made it work; I would have gotten him from school, but he tried to be tough for me. For his brother. For his dad, who had already missed a few days of work and was working out of town. What was I supposed to say to that?

I was mad (the worried-kind-of-mad) at him for a second. Then, I was heartbroken. My seven-year-old was putting the feelings of so many others ahead of his own. And, this wasn't the first time...

Raising good boys... Yep, there's some hard work in there, but mostly, I'm lucky. I'm lucky to have these two. They make raising them easy.

Today, after his doctor's appointment, we talked some more about this. I think he understands now that it's okay for him to need me, too. But, I won't be surprised if he puts his little brother's feelings first again down the road...

And, that little brother, well, he did great yesterday. He missed his brother and wanted him to come play. (Don't let me fool you -- they still wrestle and argue like brothers, but they definitely love each other in a strong way for being so young.) Landen got to visit Graden, though, and that made his day! (Well, that and all the snacks and nurses he flirted with...) :)

Now, as we wait for Graden's results from the Video-EEG, I sweat. I saw the monitor, and, as hard as I tried, I couldn't help but stare at it often throughout the day/night. Have I mentioned that this never gets easier?

Remember, Monday we started with the BiPAP machine (I said CPAP in my last post, but I was wrong.) The machine was scary the first night; I had to choke back tears as he asked me to stay in the room until he fell asleep. Last night, though, Grado was very proud to set it up himself and fall asleep without Phil or me.

He, too, is a good boy. He never complains about any of this... he does what he needs to do and never ceases to amaze me with his constant optimism and strength.

How did I get so lucky? So blessed? So loved...

--

Now, we lay low. We rest so Landen gets better, and we wait by the phone until the doctor calls with the results from the V-EEG. As always, I will keep you posted.