The last day.

If you would have asked me last June if I would have thought that we would make it through the 2013-14 school year, I would have told you - without hesitation - "no way." 

But, we did. Successfully, I might add.

And, in four days, we will celebrate the year anniversary of Graden's surgery. I'll save those emotions and reflections for another post.

Today, though, on the last day of school, I look back in awe of how far Graden has come academically. He's always been social - a little rough and tough, but social, nonetheless. I reread my posts every now and then, but I vividly remember writing about how he struggled in school. He was zoning out, unable to control his seizure activity and side effects from medication. He was doing okay with his school work, but he was just short of falling behind grade level. And, I was so worried about trusting his care to someone else...

Now, he reads, writes, counts, works through math problems, uses the computer, communicates, and follows directions at or above grade level... he is ready for first grade, and I cannot explain the relief I feel while typing those words. His level of maturity (again, still a little rough and tough) has grown, and he is becoming so responsible, especially in regards to his health restrictions and his learning. This kid has been through so much, and his journey, despite being on calm waters right now, is not over. The best (and worst?) part of this year is that he has learned why his brain is special. And, he truly believes that it's his brain that makes him the way he is. Little does he know that it's actually his heart. 

Then, there's my Landen. My big-hearted, witty, independent, young man who continues to grow up and become wise beyond his years. Sure, he's still only 8 years old and has a lot to learn, but he has such a determination to accomplish so many goals. I love and admire that about him. 

This, too, has been a learning year for him. He's been so helpful and protective of his little brother, he's had serious discussions with Phil and me about budgets (stemming back from why we sold our old house), and he's worked hard to remain on the honor roll while being a dedicated athlete. Plus, he knows it makes me happy that he loves to read, write, and draw... his notes to me are some of the best gifts I receive.

Just last month, he watched me graduate and wrote me this: "to my osum mom. happy grajooading day." (I love that he spells phonetically!) He drew a picture of me in my cap and tassel and folded it up into a secret note. I realized right then that all my complaining about school and struggles with managing my time as a mom, student, and teacher was completely worth it for my boys to see that the hard work paid off. (Now, if I can just remind them to go to college right after high school...) 

My boys are my life. There's absolutely no doubt in my mind. I watch them turning into their dad (with a little bit of their mom's attitude), and I couldn't be more grateful. Seeing them love, laugh, work and play hard... it reminds me why I fell in love with my Pheel. 

So, today, they left me, happy as two, ornery little boys should be, to have fun on their last day as a kindergartner and second grader so they could come home as a first grader and third grader. And, at first I thought something was wrong with me, because I am not sad about this - about them growing up. But, then I realized that this was such an important year in their lives that I could not be sad. I have to be grateful. Happy. Proud. A little excited, even, because I cannot wait to see what they accomplish next year.

First, though, we will enjoy the summer!

The boys on their first day of school (2013).

The boys on their last day of school (2014).

Thankful for Thanksgiving...

Getting cuddled up to watch the Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade is a Hirsch Tradition.
I'm so thankful for them!

 

During the month of November, I enjoy reading the Facebook posts stating what people are thankful for; despite the grief they may get for "not being thankful everyday," I think it's a great way to share with everyone the things you most appreciate. And, I have no doubt that most people are thankful several days throughout the year... not just during November. So, in the spirit of Thanksgiving (and my failure to jump on the Facebook-thankful-bandwagon), I decided I would share...

In honor of the 30 days in November, here are 30 things I am thankful for:

1. Phil. I know it's cliché, but he is most certainly my best friend. There is no doubt in my mind that he makes me a better person. I've said it before, and I'll say it again: he is the calm to my chaos. I truly do not know where I would be without him.

2. Landen. My oldest son, who definitely suffers from being the first-born just like his momma, is kindhearted in the most literal sense, giving, loving, athletic, creative, and smart. He makes our family stop and take time to remember "moments." I look forward to watching him grow into a young man.

3. Graden. My youngest son; he's tougher than any of the rest of us in a way I've yet to figure out how to define. Grado is his own person with no fear of what others think and enjoys making others smile and laugh, which is easy for him because he's so darn funny! As we wrap up 2013, though, we remember how far he's come and far he has yet to go, and we smile in awe and pride knowing he is exactly where he needs to be...

4. My Dad, Brother, and Sister. The four of us continue to grow closer and closer over the years despite being so very close already. They are my rocks and my biggest supporters. I can't stress how happy it makes me that my brother and Phil are so close, and my dad and sister love him just as much as they love me! They each make me so proud, and I'm proud to say that nothing can separate us. Goodness knows I could dedicate an entire blog post to just them, so I will stop with this: we're the four best friends anyone could ever have. (Ha!)

5. My Mom- and Dad-in-law and my Step-Mom. Who gets so lucky with their in-laws and step-mom? You hear stories about having to deal with either, but not me. I couldn't have hand-picked a better set of parents or wife for my dad. Each of the three of them love me like I'm theirs, and I can't imagine not having their love and support. The laughs and memories we share are priceless to me.

6. My brothers-in-law, and my sisters-in-law. I've got 2 brothers-in-law, Derek and Al, and I adore them both. They're amazing uncles to my kids, and Phil and I love being with them both -- it's always a good time! As for my 3 sisters-in-law, I have to say that I'm luckiest girl ever! Mindy, Kristal, and Kelly are some of my very closest friends, and, again, I couldn't imagine my life without them. They're never afraid to tell me what they think and put me in my place, and I love that about them. We don't go very long without talking to each other, and for that, I'm most grateful.

7. My step-sisters. I have 2: Ciera and Marisa, and while they're younger, they still show me and my family love in ways that step-siblings don't have to, especially because they entered my life when I was already "grown-up." But, despite our differences, they're there when I need them and love me and my family as if we've always been together. I look forward to our families growing and sharing more memories down the road.

8. My Mema. My sweet grandma has stepped in and played a role in my life that no one could ever replace. As I grow older, my love grows, and I continue to be more like her everyday.

9. Music. I need it. I crave it. It helps me get through so many days...

10. My heart and my inability to say no... although it makes for a chaotic schedule and some grumpy days, I absolutely love being "busy," especially for others. I can't help it and it's too late to change now. :)

11. Riley Hospital for Children. They are amazing. I'm so thankful for their selflessness and knowledge. The love they show for their patients and patients' families is astounding. Graden has been so blessed with amazing doctors, nurses, and medical staff members everywhere we go, but we have a special place in our hearts for Riley's.

12. Insurance. Whether I agree with what's covered and not, how much my deductibles are, and having to wait on hold to talk to someone, I'm very thankful that we have insurance to deal with and help us some.

13. The thoughtfulness of others. During 2013, we've been acknowledged with cards, calls, messages, and monetary gifts in ways I still cannot believe. Friends, friends-of-friends, family, family-of-family... so many people reached out to us. No gift or thought was too small; we appreciated every single one of them -- of you!

14. Books. All kinds of books. Print or digital - I don't mind. I just love books.

15. Pictures. I love pictures as much as I love books. Everyone who knows me knows I'm crazy about taking pictures. I love having the ability to capture a "moment." I'm so thankful for the thousands and thousands of pictures I have!

16. My nieces and nephews. I ABSOLUTELY love being Aunt 'Lissa (or as my ornery Camden says: Aunt 'Sissa). They make me feel special in a unique way. Being an Aunt is different than being a Mom, and I love it just as much. In 2014, I will gain TWO new babies, and I. CANNOT. WAIT.

17. Our jobs. Phil and I can both say with ease that we are doing things (and working for people) we love. We enjoy getting up every morning and working and are appreciative we have jobs to go to each day.

18. My Mentors. There are a few people in my life daily that may not even realize their impact on me. Some day, I will tell each of them.

19. My bed, couch, and DVR. Materialistic? Probably. It doesn't take much to make me happy, but I love our "movie" nights and being able to be lazy with my three boys.

20. My laptop. As much as I like my iPad, I love my laptop. It's my lifeline. I could probably live without my cell phone, but I do everything on my computer; not to mention, it's where I write. :)

21. Public schools and Teachers. I will argue with anyone -- they are the best; I don't care what you read in the newspaper. (Actually, that's any teacher anywhere -- I'm thankful for every single one of them!)

22. Target. A trip to Target makes anything better.

23. My best friends. I mean the ones, both old and new, that have stuck by my side through all my ups and downs. You know who you are. :) I can't believe we've had more years together than not! My favorite childhood memories include you!

24. Memories. Good and bad. I'm thankful for all of them; they make me who I am today.

25. Laughter.

26. Bracelets and boots.

27. Vacations. (Need I say more?)

28. Chips and Salsa. It's like Target: it makes anything better.

29. Crayons, Markers, and Sharpies.

30. Last, but not least: LOVE. The love of my hubby, my boys, my family, my friends, others, and the love I see between people. It makes me happy and thankful for the love I encounter every single day of the year.

Of course, I could have kept going, but this will do for my "thirty days of thankfulness."

I leave you with this: no matter the day, month, or year, take a minute to think of all the things you're thankful for. While some may seem silly or small, they're not. I try not to take anything for granted, and what better day to celebrate what you're grateful for than Thanksgiving.

From my home to yours: Happy Thanksgiving!

The Hubby Who Won't Stop.

Once upon a time there was a girl who needed to meet a guy that would love her for all her imperfections. 

She did.

They married.

And, they lived... stressfully-ever-after.

There's no denying the many stresses that come and go during a marriage. Babies. Money. Jobs. Family. Home repairs. Did I say Money?

We have all experienced them - some worse than others, some for longer periods of time than others, some more publicly than others, but they're still there. We may not see them, but they are there. We may deny them, but they happen.

A perfect marriage isn't about not fighting, disagreeing, bickering, frustrating, annoying... A perfect marriage is about making it through the challenges, seeing past the frustrations and annoyances, learning to compromise and communicate, and realizing that you still want to wake up next to your spouse even after they drive you nuts. :)

I remember after Phil and I got married everyone said, "The first year of marriage is the hardest."

I CALL B.S. (Bologna for those of you with softer ears than I.)

The first year was the easiest for us. We were still smitten. And, even though we got pregnant right away (as planned), we were still so focused on each other and bringing Landen into our world that we didn't have time to worry about much else. We were in love and were ready to tackle the world.

Then Landen entered this world in a whirlwind of challenges... I'll spare you the stories I'm sure many of you have heard. Let's just say Graden isn't my only fighter. We're lucky Landen is still with us today -- thanks to my doc! Over 32 hours of labor, many scares, an emergency c-section and surgery the next day for me, breathing complications, 7 days later, Landen and I got to come home. Not as long as many babies we met in the NICU, but I was still in trouble. In fact, Landen was released from the hospital before me. 

During the first several months of Landen's life, we lived with my in-laws. Thankfully, our family is all in town, because my Dad and Mom-in-law helped me with Landen every single day... I couldn't lift him. I couldn't feed him. I couldn't do anything on my own. Each night, I had to pump while Phil fed Landen because I couldn't nurse him directly (after complications in the hospital). Phil had to help me in and out of the bed and help me set-up and clean-up. He even changed most of the diapers. 

I'm not sure I've ever fully - certainly not publicly - acknowledged just how much Phil did as a new dad. I was embarrassed that I couldn't take care of my baby "like other new moms" could. But, there was Phil, doing everything I couldn't and still working every single day. He never complained. 

Two short years later, Graden entered our our world -- without any chaos, actually. We were so thankful. We had done everything we could to prevent any of the issues that Landen had to deal with... until three weeks later.

Phil was going back to school, working, and still helping me a ton. Having a c-section is no easy task, and mine have been worse due to some personal health issues. Needless to say, deliveries are dangerous for me. So, again, Phil was left being "super mom" to me, Landen, and now Graden. 

I've blogged this story before; you can read it here. Short version: Graden began his adventure at three weeks old -- shortly after Phil and I had celebrated our 3rd anniversary.

And so began our stressful years.

I worked two jobs for awhile so Phil could go back to school. Business wasn't his thing -- commission jobs are tough and we needed insurance. Teaching was his thing -- he is an amazing teacher, but cut-offs, transfers, lay-offs, and the entire job market of teachers was a mess when he was trying to get in (shoot, it still is slightly disorganized, many of you know this first-hand). During this mess of me working weekends, nights, and Phil trying to find something, and Graden going back and forth to the doctor without us really knowing what was wrong was our worst year. Ever.

It's no secret - we had more than one challenge. Looking back, we know we weren't even mad at each other -- we were mad at the world, our situation, our frustrations with jobs, not having enough money, fighting with insurance companies, cars breaking down, and Graden's health. There were days we just didn't understand. Our faith was being tested. Our marriage was being tested. It wasn't fair.

Luckily, we realized we loved each other too damn much to let each other go. And, Phil, never faltered. Never let me think I was a bad mom. Never gave up that we would get through anything. Never pushed me away. And, still, never complained... 

So, we made it through that short time (thankfully). Phil turned a part-time job into a full-time career and has been there for several years. He's happy and they're good to him. We started finding out more about Graden and were able to begin new doctors' visits and medications. And, I was able to return to school and complete the degree I should have long ago...

Now, over the past five or so years, we've had more challenges, but not all at once. We've grown in our marriage and we've grown in our faith. Sure, I still have my days where I want to cry, hide, or scream... but don't we all need a break from life sometimes? I'm not ashamed or embarrassed (as much) as I used to be about saying that I need a break -- that doesn't make me any less of a parent. Because of Phil, I know that my decisions, our decisions, make me a good mom. The best mom for our boys. Even when I have my moments of doubt (remember, I'm quite the worrier), Phil reminds me what's important -- and he never complains.

Are we perfect? Bah! No way! 
Every single one of you has heard me raise my voice at Phil or the boys. Or both. :) (I'm working on it, okay?) 

I can't stand the way he folds clothes, but he tries. He leaves the dirty dishes in the sink until I do them, but he works 80 hours a week, too. I make him take out the trash and leave it pile up and overflow, which I know annoys him. ;)

I won't ever pretend to be something I'm not, and I am not super-mom. I'm strong. I always have been, but I'm also weak. My bark has always been worse than my bite. I'm tough on the outside, but mushy on the inside. I always make sure you're okay and often put myself last -- that works for me. It always has. But, I'm more scared for Monday than I have ever been about anything... 

But, today, I needed you to know, Phil to know, that he is what keeps me going. Prayers help. Hugs are good. Calls, texts, emails are nice. But, Phil won't stop... believing in me, loving me, annoying me, laughing at (with) me. Teaching, encouraging, and loving our boys. Reminding the three of us why we're awesome as a family of four -- no matter the challenge that comes our way.

So, yea, once upon a time there was a girl who needed to meet a guy that would love her for all her imperfections. 

She did.

They married.
They overcame obstacles. Together.

And, they lived happily-ever-after.

I love you, Phil. xoxox