Just 5 more days...

Five more days until we know what the next part of Graden's journey is... Five days doesn't sound like a long time, really, but when you're waiting for something so important, five days is a long, long time. 

I know I want to know. I need to know. I want to understand, and I need to understand. I wonder, though, if I am ready. I know I have to be ready, but will I be? 

Some days I'm tough. Some days I am not tough at all. Some days I'm mad -- angry even. Other days, most actually, I am thankful. Yes, yes... it could be worse, and I know that. But, I'm telling you, you never, ever want to see your own child go through such a mess. The emotions are one thing, but the physical stress on his body, and mine, is exhausting, challenging, and frustrating.  Still, I am thankful. Graden is living every day like he wants -- without a care in the world. He is the one who reminds me that all we can do is live for now - today - and deal with the next five days as they come. It's amazing how tough he is -- and his strength has never faltered. Ever.

I look back at the last four (almost five) years of his life, and I am amazed. He has *literally* fought for his life more than once -- and, trust me, once was plenty for this Momma. I never forget how far he has come, and each day I smile knowing that he has "won"... but when I really sit down and think about what he has been through, I get that "mommy-protective-don't-mess-with-my-baby" attitude and I'm certain he's had enough. Graden, though, he just takes it. Fights it. And -- so far -- wins. Hopefully, Friday will be no different as we learn what his next obstacle will be...