Tuesday, June 3, 2014

Talk to your kids. A lot.

It's been a long time since I've blogged about anything other than my boys. I suppose this will post will eventually get to them, too, but I have been thinking about this article all morning and need to write about it.

I'm not sure where I want to start, and I don't have all the facts or answers, but let's take a minute to consider what happened.

Two little girls... 12 years old - not yet teenagers - stabbed their friend (almost) to death.

They plotted and planned. They're being charged - as adults.

Their lives forever changed because of a being the world doesn't even know to be real.

We've heard this before... "God made me do it." "The devil told me to..." And, now, this.

If you read the comments (which are ridiculous after any news article, really), you would see things like: "This is what you get when you take religion out of schools" or one of my favorites: "where were the parents?"

Really?

Okay, I am a parent that sure as hell wants to know where my kids are at every single waking moment of the day, but get real. It doesn't happen. Granted, mine are younger, so I watch them a bit more carefully, but they still say things and do things when I'm not around.

Just a few weeks ago, I found out my sweet son was chanting "Sexy Lexi" on the bus with some older boys to a little girl. I was devastated and didn't even know he knew what "sexy" meant yet! I wonder if someone asked, "Where are his parents?"

I am right here!

Still, I send them out the door to school or sports or wherever, hoping that I've poured a solid foundation for their decisions. That doesn't mean they are, or will ever be, perfect.

I'm not saying that the parents shouldn't carry some blame... maybe they should. I don't know. I don't know them or their daughters. I don't know if they should have even been allowed in the woods or on the internet learning about this thing.

I am saying, though, that it is absolutely unrealistic to expect parents to have the power to prevent their children from making bad choices. We've all made one as a child (and I mean under the age of 18 if we want to get technical), and we know damn well that (most of the time) our parents had little to do with it. I, for one, know my dad is not to blame for some of the idiotic things I did that he knew nothing about... And, we had a good relationship. We talked about everything - even if he didn't want to hear it. Granted, I never stabbed anyone and I made bad choices much older than when I was twelve, but I just don't think it's fair for the question to always be "Where were the parents?"

I know it's not as simple as I'm making it out to be... I know there are some people in this world who shouldn't be parents or who are parents that didn't want to be... I have opinions about them, too. We all do. But, it is entirely possible that the parents are just as upset about their daughters' actions as the parents whose daughter was stabbed. I realize I'm comparing apples to oranges for some of you, but just consider for a moment that your child is the one who did the stabbing. What the hell do you do now?

There is no right answer. And, I can guarantee you feel guilty with or without the help of the media or someone asking where you were.

In turn, what do you do if your child is the one who was stabbed? Easy. You want the other children punished. Now those parents are going to get hurt twice - for not stopping their child from doing something horrific and by watching their child be punished. But, it's not a competition. No one wins and everyone loses. And, in many cases what they lose are their kids...

So, how about Jesus? I'm not 100% sure, but I would guess and say bad things have been happening in schools and with kids for many years -- with or without religion and whether or not we hear about them in the news. Kids rebel. Try new things. Experiment. Again, with or without prayer, faith, or any type of religion. And, most certainly, with or without their parents' permission and knowledge.

Does knowing where the parents are and having religion in school help? Sure, but it doesn't keep everyone safe and make the world perfect.

So, what do we do? Parents, educators, any one involved with a child?

We talk.

A lot.

We have to let our kids know that these things they're reading about, experimenting with, and participating in are dangerous. Not just a "you'll poke your eye out" kind of dangerous, but a life-and-death dangerous. Even then, I don't know that it will be enough...

I had never heard of this creature, story, or game, but you can be sure I'm aware of it now. And, as horrible as it sounds, I will use this poor girl's experience to educate my own kids. Just like I will with many other stories of kids dying trying to race a train or suffocate themselves... all horrible, scary, dangerous things that I don't want my kids (or any kids!) to do, but I won't just let them figure it out on their own.

I will talk to them. A lot.

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